-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)- - Polybius (I_dont_know_what_to_name_myself) (2025)

Chapter 1: Welcome to the group chat

Chapter Text

-BITT [Administrator] created “Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)”-

-BITT [Administrator] added: Phil Altiere, Mitch Williams, Cecil Bergoch, Adam Michael Nix, Haneesh Jyoshi, Zahra Rashid, Hector Nieves, Miko Kubota-

-Phil Altiere has been promoted to [Moderator]-

Phil Altiere [Moderator]:Just letting you all know now that this chat is meant to be used exclusively for missions, work and emergencies. This is your only warning not to abuse the group chat.

Cecil: Hey is there a way to change your name in here?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Just give me a second while I enable it.

-Cecil Bergoch has changed their name to Bergy-

Miko: wait

Miko: CECIL?!.

Miko: Bergy your name is CECIL?

Bergy: Yeah I thought everyone knew that.

Bergy: Did you think my name was Bergy this whole time?

Miko: YES!

Miko: it’s just

Miko: CECIL?!?

Bergy: Wait who is Hector Nieves?

Hector: I’m Five.

Hector: One sec.

-Hector Nieves has changed their name to Hi_5-

Hi_5: That’s more like it.

Miko: wait I should do that

-Miko Kubota has changed their name to Me_K.O-

Me_K.O: much better

-Mitch Williams has changed their name to MitchFTW-

MitchFTW: @Phil_Altiere [Moderator] Do I have to be stuck in a groupchat with these noobs?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: These noobs are a part of your division so yes.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: And don’t bother trying to leave because being in this chat is mandatory.

MitchFTW: Dammit

Me_K.O: looks like you’re stuck with us Mitch

MitchFTW: Actually no

MitchFTW: I’m setting this chat to silent so I won’t be notified of anything or see any messages

MitchFTW: Goodbye

Me_K.O: rude

-Adam Michael Nix has changed their name to The Scorekeeper-

Me_K.O: ADAM?!?

Hi_5: NIX?!

Zahra: ADAM!?

Haneesh: MICHAEL?!

Hi_5: WHAT?!

The Scorekeeper: Yeah that’s my full name. I thought you guys already knew about that.

Haneesh: NO!

Hi_5: NO!

Me_K.O: NO!

Haneesh: WHY WOULD ANYONE KNOW THAT!

Bergy: I knew.

Zahra: SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME

Zahra: THAT THIS ENTIRE TIME

Zahra: NIX WAS YOUR LAST NAME

Zahra: AND YOUR FULL NAME

Zahra: THIS ENTIRE TIME

Zahra: WAS ADAM

Zahra: MICHAEL

Zahra: NIX

The Scorekeeper: Yeah I don’t see how that’s a big deal.

Zahra: DUDE IVE KNOWN YOU OVER A YEAR.

Haneesh: It’s just

Haneesh: Adam

Haneesh: The sheer difference between the names Nix and Adam is giving me whiplash.

Hi_5: If you told me that Nix was your last name and asked me to guess your actual first and middle name, Adam and Michael would be the last things I guessed.

Me_K.O: like Nix actually sounds kinda edgy and badass

Me_K.O: and then you hit us with Adam Michael

Me_K.O: two of the most generic names I can think of off the top of my head

The Scorekeeper: Ow

Zahra: WAIT HOW DOES BERGY KNOW YOUR FULL NAME BEFORE ANY OF US?!

Bergy: I’m constantly partnered up with Nix on missions and he just brought it up at some point.

Zahra: AND THATS ALL IT TOOK!??

Hi_5: I feel like I just learned forbidden knowledge.

Hi_5: Someone needs to reset my memory now.

Chapter 2: The long drive

Chapter Text

Haneesh: A bunch of new missions just popped up back here at base.

Me_K.O: what’s available right now? me and Five have absolutely nothing showing up on patrol right now

Haneesh: there’s a few level 2 entity glitches, one level 5 glitch and one level 1 mapper glitch. Doesn’t say what game the mapper glitch is.

Haneesh: Nothing big or anything.

Haneesh: Hang on a second.

Haneesh: The level 1 mapper glitch is worth way more xp than usual.

Hi_5: How much more?

Me_K.O: yeah how much?

Haneesh: Like enough to instantly bring you up about five levels.

Me_K.O: I’m sorry WHAT

Hi_5: Can you give us the location of that mapper glitch please.

Hi_5: We can’t just let that amount of xp go to waste.

Me_K.O: or worse, to Mitch

MitchFTW: Wait just a minute

Me_K.O: speak of the devil

MitchFTW: Listen to me here

MitchFTW: Do NOT take that mission!

MitchFTW: I know what it is and it’s not worth it at all!

MitchFTW: Do NOT take that mission!

Me_K.O: why? so you can take that instant 5 levels of experience?

Hi_5: Yeah, if we don’t take that mission we all know that you’ll throw yourself straight in there and do it yourself

MitchFTW: No

MitchFTW: Listen

MitchFTW: I know what that low level mapper glitch combined with that insane xp amount means

MitchFTW: And I refuse to go within a mile of that cursed glitch

MitchFTW: I know you don’t trust me here but please

MitchFTW: You WILL regret dealing with that glitch

Hi_5: We’re going to the level 1 glitch and you can’t stop us.

Hi_5: Don’t try to follow us and steal the xp Mitch.

MitchFTW: Fine

MitchFTW: Suit yourself

MitchFTW: But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Hi_5: We’ve arrived at the mapper glitch.

MitchFTW: Last chance to turn back

Hi_5: No way. We’re doing this and getting the xp before you do.

Zahra: @Hi_5 are you alright? You’ve been completely silent for the last few minutes.

Zahra: @Me_K.O hello? Do your gauntlets still have power? Are you two alright in there?

Hi_5: oh nerds

Zahra: What does that mean? What’s going on in there?

Me_K.O: SHIT THE EXIT IS GONE

Me_K.O: SEND BACKUP! SEND BACKUP! DONT LEAVE US HERE!

Zahra: Hello? Miko? Five?

Zahra: @Hi_5 FIVE

Zahra: @Me_K.O MIKO

Zahra: MITCH WHERE DID YOU SEND THEM?!

MitchFTW: I didn’t send them anywhere

MitchFTW: Those two blueberries went in there all on their own

MitchFTW: I actually tried to keep them away

Zahra: STILL WHERE ARE THEY?!

MitchFTW: I can guarantee that they’re not in any danger

MitchFTW: It’s just the game they’re in is extremely…..

Zahra: Extremely what?

MitchFTW: Long

MitchFTW: Not hard or dangerous

MitchFTW: Just really, really long

Zahra: Do we send backup like they requested then or?

The Scorekeeper: You can’t now.

The Scorekeeper: Once a Mapper Glitch closes its doors and traps someone, new people can’t enter until the current players either beat the game or lose.

MitchFTW: They won’t need it anyway

MitchFTW: Like I said before, the game isn’t dangerous

MitchFTW: Just unbearably long

Zahra: @Hi_5 @Me_K.O You guys out of the glitch yet?

MitchFTW: It’s going to take longer than that

Zahra: Its been four hours since they went in.

MitchFTW: Exactly

Phil Altiere[Moderator]: Has anyone seen Five and Miko all day? I’ve been trying to reach them but I think their gauntlets are dead.

Bergy: They went into a Mapper Glitch this morning and haven’t come back yet.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Are they alright in there? We could send in a new team.

Zahra: Nope. I checked not too long ago and the door is still locked. No idea what’s going on in there but they’re still playing the game.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Ok then. Once they leave, let them know that their shifts are over.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: If they’re not out in an hour I’m going to have to come up with something to tell their parents.

Hi_5: Desert Bus

The Scorekeeper: What?

Hi_5: Desert Bus

Hi_5: The mapper glitch

Hi_5: Was Desert Bus

MitchFTW: I warned you

Me_K.O: fuck you mitch we got 5 levels worth of xp

The Scorekeeper: Hang on.

The Scorekeeper: Desert bus as in 8 hours of driving in a straight line with nothing to do or see while also being unable to pause the game or do anything else Desert Bus?

Me_K.O: it’s so much worse experiencing it in real life

Me_K.O: so many hours in an empty bus with no air conditioning in the middle of a hot desert

Hi_5: Don’t forget that if you lose focus and the bus drifts too far to the left you get slowly taken all the way back to the beginning.

Me_K.O: how long were we in there by the way?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: The two of you have been in there for about 13 hours. It’s 11:30 at night.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: The store is closed and I’ve already had to reset your family’s memories several times to stop them from questioning where you both are. Go home and rest before I have to do it again.

Hi_5: Got it

Me_K.O: ok

Hi_5: Wait Mitch how did you know that the mapper glitch would be desert bus?

Hi_5: It never said what the game the mapper glitch was replicating.

MitchFTW: Because I got the exact same glitch once

MitchFTW: Level one mapper worth a metric ton of xp

MitchFTW: I ran in because it seemed like easy xp

MitchFTW: And I was stuck in desert bus for 9 hours

MitchFTW: Figured out pretty quickly that extremely low level glitches worth extremely large amounts of xp usually have a reason for that

MitchFTW: And usually aren’t worth it

Me_K.O: hah! the great Mitch Williams fell for the exact same trap as us noobs!

MitchFTW: But I didn’t have someone more experienced actively telling me not to fall for it

MitchFTW: So you two still made the dumber decision

Me_K.O: you could have told us what game it was at any moment Mitch

MitchFTW: I didn’t 100% know what game the mapper would be. I just had a very accurate hunch

MitchFTW: Plus it’s more fun this way

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Once again, Five and Miko, go back to your homes before the mind wipes wear off and your families realize you’re missing. Mitch and Nix, you’re still on the night shift, do your jobs of patrolling.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: You can fight each other over Desert Bus tomorrow.

The Scorekeeper: Yes boss

Hi_5: Yep

Me_K.O: ok

MitchFTW: Got it

Chapter 3: Turns out Miko’s mind doesn’t just resist resets

Chapter Text

Hi_5: Hey guys.

Hi_5: We have a situation.

MitchFTW: What did you two noobs do now?

Hi_5: A possessor glitch got Miko.

MitchFTW: And you want someone with actual experience to take down a possessed tech

MitchFTW: Got it

Me_K.O: no that’s the weird part i’m completely fine

MitchFTW: What?

Me_K.O: alright so

Me_K.O: this possessor glitch grabbed me and entered my body

Me_K.O: which really hurt by the way

Me_K.O: but that was like 10 minutes ago and nothing has happened

Me_K.O: no turning into a game character

Me_K.O: no weird possession stuff

Me_K.O: nothing

Me_K.O: I feel a little dizzy but that’s it

Me_K.O: Five is quarantining me in the back of the van just in case

Haneesh: How do you know if the glitch really possessed you then?

Haneesh: Maybe it left you and went after something else.

Hi_5: I’ve scanned her and it’s just like what happened with Casino.

Hi_5: The scanner is having a very hard time figuring out where Miko ends and the glitch begins but the glitch is definitely there.

Bergy: So absolutely nothing is happening with Miko?

Me_K.O: nothing

Bergy: Weird.

Haneesh: You think it has anything to do with Miko’s reset immunity?

Me_K.O: yeah probably

Me_K.O: actually I have one problem

Me_K.O: how do you get a possessor glitch out of your mind?

Bergy: There’s a few different ways.

Bergy: Sometimes a memory reset will force the glitch out.

Bergy: It doesn’t have to be a big reset, just resetting a few seconds does the trick.

Hi_5: But that probably won’t work because Miko is immune to resets.

Bergy: Yeah.

Hi_5: Didn’t Casino just force the glitch out of his mind through sheer force of will?

Me_K.O: I think the glitch needs to be doing something for me to resist first

Me_K.O: right now it’s just sorta chilling in my brain without doing anything

MitchFTW: Beating the glitch out by force is also an option.

MitchFTW: Destroy enough of the glitch’s form or damage its host enough and it’ll abandon it for a new one

Me_K.O: no

Hi_5: I’m not going to punch the glitch out of Miko.

MitchFTW: You’ll probably need to do it anyways if that glitch actually does take effect

MitchFTW: Possessed techs are no laughing matter

Zahra: Where are you guys right now?

Hi_5: Outside Joystick Jr’s.

Zahra: Got it.

Zahra: I’m sending you a whole bunch of temporary support gear and a de-possessor that should be able to exorcise the glitch from Miko.

Zahra: It’s a big device Hinobi made specifically to remove possessors from people.

Zahra: Plus a couple of really advanced scanners so we can figure out why the glitch isn’t doing anything.

Zahra: Just send me the scan data and I’ll make sense of it.

Hi_5: Thanks Zahra.

Zahra: No problem.

MitchFTW: I’m going to your location

MitchFTW: You’ll need me once that glitch takes affect and you have to take down a possessed glitch tech

Me_K.O: you want the xp

MitchFTW: Also I can’t let that rare glitch get away

Me_K.O: I knew it

Me_K.O: I think something is happening now

Zahra: What’s wrong?

MitchFTW: Five get ready to fight a possessed tech

Me_K.O: still haven’t turned into a game character

Me_K.O: but I feel really sick all of a sudden

Me_K.O: like just really nauseous with a really bad headache

Zahra: That doesn’t sound like anything a possessor glitch normally does.

Hi_5: @Zahra_Rashid I finished scanning Miko. Here’s the data.

Zahra: Thank you.

Zahra: Hey was Miko’s tech gauntlet active when you took the scans?

Hi_5: Yeah. It all is.

Zahra: Ah. That explains it.

Zahra: Can you shut off Miko’s tech gauntlet and redo the scans?

Zahra: The scanners I sent you are really sensitive to plixel energy so it looks like Miko’s active gauntlet is throwing them all off and they’re having a hard time detecting anything useful.

Me_K.O: yeah one sec

Me_K.O: uh oh

Zahra: What is it?

Me_K.O: I can’t deactivate my gauntlet now

Me_K.O: it’s stuck on

Me_K.O: the screen’s gone all glitchy as well

Zahra: That’s a problem.

Zahra: Is there any way you can force your gauntlet to shut down?

Me_K.O: I have an idea

Me_K.O: @MitchFTW can you overclock any part of your gauntlet or is it just powerups?

MitchFTW: You can overclock anything. Why?

MitchFTW: Also where are you two? I’m in the parking lot of Joystick Jr’s and I’m not seeing any other tech vans

MitchFTW: What was that noise?

MitchFTW: WHAT DID YOU DO?!

Hi_5: Miko just turned their gauntlet up to 200%, pointed it straight up and fired what I can only describe as the unmatched power of the sun directly into the sky.

MitchFTW: I SAW THAT!

MitchFTW: I JUST SAW AN GIANT PILLAR OF ENERGY ERUPT FROM THE WOODS!

MitchFTW: WAIT WHY ARE YOU TWO IN THE WOODS NOW

Me_K.O: the woods has less people and games for the glitch to possess once it’s out and less people that need to be reset

Me_K.O: plus we didn’t want you to steal the glitch like last time so when you said you were on your way we decided to move

Me_K.O: anyways my gauntlet is shut off now and i’m using my phone to text the group chat

Me_K.O: and there’s a massive, perfectly circular hole in the trees above us

MitchFTW: Now I have to go reset anyone who might have seen that

MitchFTW: you two noobs are lucky that you’re already on the outskirts of town

MitchFTW: the only places with a large amount of people that could have seen that mess is Joystick Jr’s and a few smaller buildings near here

MitchFTW: I will meet up with you two in a few minutes

MitchFTW: Don’t. Go. Anywhere.

Me_K.O: my phone just phased through my hand and now everything hurts

MitchFTW: What?

Hi_5: I saw it.

Hi_5: Miko’s entire body just glitched and her phone fell through her hand.

Me_K.O: headache and nausea just got way worse as well

Me_K.O: whole body hurts

Me_K.O: don’t want to move

MitchFTW: That’s.. very concerning

Zahra: I’m going to need that scan data as soon as possible.

Hi_5: @Zahra_Rashid here’s the scan data without Miko’s gauntlet being active.

Zahra: Thank you. This is much better data.

Zahra: Still very weird though.

Zahra: VERY weird.

Me_K.O: weird how?

Zahra: They’re still detecting plixel energy all over Miko that shouldn’t be there but ignoring that it looks like the glitch partially destroyed itself trying to possess Miko.

Zahra: Like this one possessor glitch is messed up so badly that it’s registering as several different types of glitch at the same time.

MitchFTW: Definitely Miko’s weird brain at work then

Zahra: Yeah.

Zahra: It’s like Miko’s brain is incompatible with the possessor it’s making the possessor glitch out and destroy itself.

Zahra: But since the Possessor is still technically possessing Miko, it’s making her real body glitch out and destroy itself as well.

Me_K.O: yeah and it sucks

Me_K.O: it’s like having the world’s worst flu that sometimes makes you turn all glitchy and intangible

Zahra: Any luck with the de-possessor I sent over?

Hi_5: None so far.

Hi_5: Miko’s mind keeps resisting everything.

Hi_5: It’s keeping the glitch in and everything else out.

Hi_5: And we’re not resorting to punching the glitch out.

MitchFTW: It works 100% of the time

Hi_5: i’m not letting anyone beat up Miko to get the glitch out of her brain

Me_K.O: speak for yourself with how this feels i’m starting to consider it

Hi_5: What if we do the thing Miko did to her gauntlet earlier?

Hi_5: Turn the de-possessor up to 200%?

MitchFTW: Overclocking might do something

MitchFTW: but it would only be able to be used once before the whole thing breaks

Me_K.O: do it. I want this damn thing out of my brain

MitchFTW: Just let me mess with the de-possessor for a minute

MitchFTW: Gotta remove a bunch of limiters and safety switches

MitchFTW: Also I’m going to need to hook it up to one of our van’s batteries for the extra power

Zahra: Well.

Zahra: It’s been 10 minutes.

Zahra: Did it work?

Hi_5: Mitch overclocked the de-possessor and turned it up as far as it would go

MitchFTW: 400%

MitchFTW: Overclocking normally caps out at 200% but the van’s battery let it go beyond that

Hi_5: Anyways Mitch overclocked it and it actually got the Glitch out of Miko after a while.

Hi_5: And it almost immediately collapsed.

Zahra: The de-possessor or Miko?

MitchFTW: The glitch

MitchFTW: The glitch worth a ton of xp

Hi_5: Yeah right after leaving Miko the glitch fell to the ground, stopped moving and completely disintegrated.

Hi_5: And now all scanners are saying that the area is glitch free.

Hi_5: So I think Miko’s brain killed it.

MitchFTW: I couldn’t even grab it before it died

MitchFTW: So much xp

MitchFTW: Just gone

Hi_5: Also the de-possessor caught fire and fell apart immediately after we used it.

Zahra: What about Miko?

Me_K.O: still not very good

Me_K.O: I’m not glitching through the floor anymore and I feel a lot better but I still feel all sick

Hi_5: Also the battery in our van is completely dead.

MitchFTW: I’m not driving you two noobs anywhere

MitchFTW: I just spent two hours trying to catch a possessor glitch only for Miko’s weird brain to somehow kill it

MitchFTW: Which shouldn’t even be possible by the way

MitchFTW: And now no one gets any xp

MitchFTW: So you two can find your own way back

Me_K.O: someone’s mad they never killed a glitch with their mind before

Me_K.O: and he’s gone

Hi_5: Hey Zahra do you think you can pick us up?

Hi_5: Or send a replacement van battery?

Zahra: Im on my way.

Chapter 4: Sick day

Chapter Text

Me_K.O: hey guys

Me_K.O: still sick

Me_K.O: Bitt says it’s a side effect of the weird possession that happened yesterday and should go away after a while

Me_K.O: and I convinced my parents that it’s the flu

Bergy: How are you feeling so far?

Me_K.O: sick

Me_K.O: it feels almost exactly like having the flu

Me_K.O: i’m mostly just really bored though

Me_K.O: basically everyone in my family is out running errands and doing things

Me_K.O: so i’m pretty much alone in the house all day

Me_K.O: Cloud, Aerith and Ally have been keeping me company

Bergy: I know who Ally is but who are Cloud and Aerith?

Me_K.O: my pet dog and cat

Me_K.O: hang on I have a bunch of pictures

-Me_K.O sent an image-

-Me_K.O sent an image-

-Me_K.O sent an image-

Bergy: Aww

Bergy: They’re very cute.

Me_K.O: thanks

Me_K.O: Anything going on at the store?

Hi_5: Nothing.

Hi_5: We’ve got maybe one report so far and Mitch immediately snapped it up.

Me_K.O: figures

Haneesh: We’re all probably just as bored here as you are at home.

Haneesh: Get well soon by the way.

Me_K.O: thanks

The Scorekeeper: Glad to see everyone is as bored at Hinobi as I am at Joystick Jr’s.

The Scorekeeper: it’s a super slow day out here as well.

Zahra: Nix I forgot that you also work at the arcade and was very confused for a second.

Zahra: Oh yeah also Miko I just wanted to let you know that that offer I made to investigate your brain and figure out why it’s immune to resets and everything still stands.

Zahra: Especially considering everything involving that possessor glitch yesterday.

Me_K.O: I think i’ll think about it once I’m not sick

Me_K.O: speaking of glitches, I was meaning to ask this for a while but what’s a code green?

Me_K.O: I heard a couple of you guys bring it up a few days ago and when me and Five got back to base from the possessor incident yesterday I heard someone mention a code purple?

Haneesh: Oh yeah you weren’t there for the Sock Em' Rockers glitch.

Haneesh: You should probably ask Phil for the specifics but to my knowledge it’s some kind of label given to really powerful glitches.

Haneesh: The Sock Em' Rockers glitch was the first code green I’ve ever seen.

Haneesh: No idea what a code purple is.

Bergy: I thought code green was just a warning system that goes off when a powerful glitch is detected.

The Scorekeeper: In all honesty it’s probably both.

The Scorekeeper: I agree with Haneesh though, you should probably ask Phil if you want to know more.

The Scorekeeper: Sock Em' Rockers was the second code green I’ve ever seen and the first I’ve actually got to fight.

The Scorekeeper: And I have no idea what a code purple is.

The Scorekeeper: And I’ve worked here for a long time compared to the rest of you.

Bergy: Nix how long HAVE you worked here for?

The Scorekeeper: Roughly as long as Mitch.

The Scorekeeper: I don’t catch as many glitches or go on as many missions as him on account of my second job and everything so I’m way lower level.

Zahra: Neat.

Zahra: I always thought that you joined a few months before me and Haneesh did.

Me_K.O: thanks anyways

Me_K.O: gonna go ask Phil

Hi_5: Hey what’s the most dangerous glitch you can think of?

Bergy: Like the most dangerous glitch we’ve all fought?

Hi_5: No like in general.

Hi_5: What’s the most dangerous thing a glitch could theoretically become?

The Scorekeeper: That’s actually a good question.

The Scorekeeper: It pretty much boils down to what video game character would be the hardest to fight in real life.

The Scorekeeper: I think I have to say something from a horror game. They’re extremely dangerous and you usually aren’t supposed to be able to fight them in-game.

The Scorekeeper: Not sure which horror game though.

Zahra: Yeah but a lot of horror games don’t really account for players having guns, weapons and powerups that aren’t attainable in-game strapped to their wrists.

Zahra: Glitches from horror games don’t expect the tech they’re going after to physically fight back and they especially don’t expect weapons that can cut straight through them.

Zahra: They’re scary and can be dangerous if they catch you, but they also have no idea how to deal with being attacked themselves.

The Scorekeeper: Counterpoint

The Scorekeeper: Undead Space.

The Scorekeeper: Literally anything from Undead Space.

The Scorekeeper: Actually no because you’re supposed to be able to fight and kill those things.

The Scorekeeper: Plus you have a tech gauntlet.

The Scorekeeper: Dammit.

Bergy: I say any final boss from any Kirby game.

Bergy: Marx, Magolor, Star Dream

Bergy: They’d all be super hard to fight

Zahra: I was going to say any of the gods from Gods of War.

Zahra: No wait just Kartos from Gods of War.

The Scorekeeper: Icon of Sin from Doomed 2.

The Scorekeeper: A massive spawner glitch that summons an army of demons.

The Scorekeeper: No wait I can do better than that.

Hi_5: I say Psycho Mamba from Spec Ops.

Hi_5: He dodges every attack you make unless you switch your controller to another port and you can’t exactly do that in real life.

Haneesh: I have an answer but it’ll take some explaining.

Hi_5: Explain away.

Haneesh: Alright so when I was a kid I got this game called Metal Killer.

Haneesh: I still have it in my house somewhere.

Haneesh: It’s an old Hinobi game that didn’t have many copies made and just sorta fell off the earth not long after release so not many people know about it.

Haneesh: You play as some kind of bionic soldier called a Metal Killer and need to take down the 9 other Metal Killers.

Haneesh: Regular gameplay is fine.

Haneesh: But the bosses are HARD.

Haneesh: You need to be downright superhuman to beat Metal Killers 1-8.

Haneesh: But out of all the Bosses in the game, there is one so hard that I still have not beaten the game or even seen the final boss because of them.

Haneesh: Metal Killer 10.

Haneesh: They’re the second to last boss in the game, I could never beat them as a child and I still can’t beat them today.

Haneesh: I can’t even find any videos online of what comes after MK 10 because not only is the game so unknown and hard to find that only a few playthrough videos exist, all of the videos I could find also couldn’t beat MK 10.

Zahra: That can’t be real.

Haneesh: It is.

Haneesh: I can bring the game in to show you guys if you want.

Haneesh: Just take a Valkyrie from Gods of War.

Haneesh: Make it into a bionic cyborg thing with mechanical wings and a futuristic helmet mask thing.

Haneesh: Give them a rocket hammer with a hitbox that takes up half the screen and somehow ALWAYS hits you.

Haneesh: Add a dash of nearly impossible to dodge lightning attacks.

Haneesh: Then make her move faster than god and do a million damage.

Haneesh: And you have Metal Killer 10.

Haneesh: I honestly think this game was never playtested for difficulty.

Hi_5: You need to bring that game here.

Hi_5: I need to see that with my own eyes.

Haneesh: Apparently when you reach phase 2 you destroy the helmet and see her face but I’ve never seen anyone get that far.

Haneesh: Also keep in mind that this is the second to last boss.

Haneesh: Not final boss.

Haneesh: SECOND TO LAST BOSS.

Haneesh: I don’t even want to imagine what the final boss is like.

The Scorekeeper: Yeah I think Haneesh wins this one.

The Scorekeeper: Do us all a favour and make sure that copy of Metal Killer NEVER glitches or we’re all screwed.

Haneesh: Will do.

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division) Private Channel: Phil Altiere, Miko Kubota-

Miko: hey Phil

Miko: I have a question

Phil: Shoot.

Miko: what are code greens and code purples?

Phil: Oh yeah you missed the Sock Em' Rockers glitch.

Phil: They’re nothing too complicated, just a bunch of labels given to really powerful or dangerous glitches.

Phil: There’s also a whole warning and alarm system that comes with it.

Phil: There’s four of them.

Phil: Green, Yellow, Purple and Red.

Miko: what do they all mean?

Phil: Let’s see.

Phil: Code Green is for powerful Entity Glitches like the Sock Em' Rockers glitch a few weeks ago.

Phil: Code Yellow is for uncontrolled or uncontained Mapper Glitches.

Phil: And Code Purple is for dangerous or viral Possessor Glitches.

Miko: So that’s why I heard someone mention a code purple yesterday

Phil: Yeah that’s probably it.

Phil: Your extremely strange possession probably freaked a bunch of staff out over the idea of a Possessor Glitch that can’t be removed by normal means.

Miko: yeah

Miko: hey what about code red? you mentioned that there’s a code red but never explained it

Phil: Code Reds are weird.

Phil: I honestly don’t think it’s a real code.

Phil: Higher ups never informed me of how it works, when or why it goes off or even that it exists at all.

Phil: BITT doesn’t know anything about it either.

Phil: And it’s only gone off once in all my time working here.

Miko: what did it detect?

Miko: i’m curious now

Phil: That’s the thing.

Phil: It didn’t detect anything.

Miko: how?

Miko: Phil I need to know this story

Miko: Phil please

Phil: It’s a really slow day so far so fine.

Miko: :)

Phil: Alright so I think it happened 10 or 11 or so years ago. I don’t entirely remember.

Phil: It’s an average day when all of a sudden the alarm goes off and starts yelling about a Code Red.

Phil: Naturally, everyone starts panicking because no one knows what a Code Red is and everyone is assuming the worst.

Phil: So I end up sending a whole team of the best Techs we have to where the alarm is pointing to.

Phil: Which ends up being an orphanage across town.

Phil: But when the Techs arrive expecting to fight something massive and dangerous.

Phil: There’s nothing there.

Miko: nothing?

Phil: Nothing at all.

Phil: The Techs sweep the entire orphanage and check all the nearby buildings in case the glitch moved anywhere.

Phil: Nothing.

Phil: Scans show nothing, no glitch can be found, no witnesses saw anything or needed their minds reset.

Phil: Nothing.

Phil: Eventually the Techs get pointed to a console in the orphanage that broke down and turns out the old lady that runs the place was about to call us to fix it before we arrived.

Phil: Still no physical glitch.

Phil: Turns out the game broke and never created one.

Miko: that can happen?

Phil: It’s very rare but sometimes it happens.

Phil: Anyways after a long while of unsuccessfully trying to fix the game, the Techs figure out that the game is broken but somehow didn’t create a physical glitch, they tell the old woman that it’s not fixable and to just come down to the store and get the game replaced, offer a discount if she ever does and they leave.

Phil: All while back at base, the alarm is still going on about a Code Red and no one knows why.

Phil: The alarm ended up shutting off by itself after several hours after an engineer found that one of the big scanners HQ uses to detect glitches across town was slightly broken and fixed it.

Phil: And we’ve never gotten a Code Red ever since.

Phil: So I’m about 90% sure that Code Red is just some kind of maintenance alarm and the place it “detected the glitch in” was just the scanner being broken.

Phil: Hopefully that answers your question.

Miko: thanks

Miko: also what game was broken?

Miko: still curious

Phil: I don’t entirely remember.

Phil: Metal something.

Chapter 5: Half Life crowbar, Bergy, The Hardest Video Game Boss and $20. I swear all of these things are connected.

Chapter Text

Bergy: Look at what just I found on a mission.

-Bergy sent an image-

Hi_5: Is that a crowbar from Half Life?

Bergy: Yep.

Bergy: A lot of level 1 glitches end up being items and weapons from games instead of characters.

Hi_5: How do you get the glitch out of it?

Bergy: Oh they’re usually weak enough that a tech gauntlet can instantly catch the glitch without needing to destroy the glitch’s form.

Bergy: But that’s not the best way to use these things.

Hi_5: ???

Bergy: You can use xp to turn these glitch items into items that your gauntlet can create at will. Like a companion pet but with items.

Bergy: And just finding one of these things almost always gives enough xp to register it.

Bergy: So I have a ton of glitch items stored in my gauntlet and locker.

Hi_5: Oh cool.

Hi_5: What else do you have?

Bergy: Let me check.

Bergy: I have a bunch of Flunkyballs from Flunky Quest, the Master Sword, a Metroidvania energy sword, a gravity gun from Half Life, true love’s kiss from castlestein, a helmet from Fallout power armour, a whole bunch of guns from various games, a boomerang and a bunch of random items like bombs and healing potions from other various games.

Hi_5: That’s a lot of stuff.

Bergy: That’s not everything I’ve found either.

Bergy: I ended up not keeping most of the boring stuff like barrels and crates, stuff that tech gauntlets can already create like powerups and there’s also a lot of ordinary stuff that just happened to come from a video game.

Bergy: Like this one time I found a bunch of sports equipment from Hinobi Sports.

Bergy: Also I sold a bunch of stuff to other techs.

Hi_5: You what?!

Bergy: I took a bunch of the items I found and I sold them to other techs for xp.

Hi_5: Is that ALLOWED?

Bergy: No one’s stopped me so far so I’m pretty sure it’s allowed.

Bergy: And trust me people will pay a TON for stuff from their favourite games.

Bergy: I made like 50 dollars a while ago.

Hi_5: I thought you said you sold stuff for xp?

Bergy: Xp and also sometimes money.

Bergy: Like I said before, people will pay a TON for some of this stuff.

Bergy: Like tell me you wouldn’t spend some xp or 10 dollars for a working communicator or night vision goggles from Spec Ops.

Bergy: Or a box that actually works like it does in-game because it actually came from the game.

Hi_5: You have a very good point.

Zahra: Oh yeah Bergy’s black market of glitch items.

Zahra: I got my Mass Effect sniper rifle from him.

Zahra: Does it’s job way better than the regular Hinobi sniper you can get with just xp.

Me_K.O: I bought my twin swords from Fire Age 4 from him for like 5 bucks.

Hi_5: Wait Miko? You too?

Hi_5: How did I never know about this?

Bergy: Wait hang on.

Bergy: I have one more glitch item.

Bergy: I must have just grabbed it at some point and forgot about it.

Bergy: Oh nerds.

Hi_5: What is it?

Bergy: Its the BFG from Doomed.

Hi_5: WHAT?

Me_K.O: WHAT

Zahra: WHAT?!

Hi_5: You’re joking, right Bergy?

Bergy: no

-Bergy sent an image-

Zahra: Oh

Zahra: That is literally just the BFG from Doomed.

Zahra: No joke.

Zahra: That thing is like half the size of your body.

Bergy: It’s very heavy.

Hi_5: Does it have ammo?

Bergy: My gauntlet says it has one shot in it.

Bergy: Then it’ll probably have to spend a while in my gauntlet recharging before it can be fired again.

Bergy: Before anyone asks I’m not firing it to see how it works.

Me_K.O: definitely wasn’t about to ask that

Me_K.O: on a related note, are you selling that thing for any amount of xp or real money

Me_K.O: because I desperately want a BFG

Bergy: No I’m keeping this with me.

Bergy: Like

Bergy: It’s the BFG from Doomed.

Bergy: I can’t just get rid of it.

Bergy: Plus I’m scared that if I do sell this to anyone they’ll end up taking out a portion of HQ with it.

Bergy: Or take themselves out.

Bergy: Or completely level a building during a mission.

Bergy: Or countless other things because the BFG is way too powerful to ever use.

Zahra: Bergy I hope you know what you’re doing with that thing.

Zahra: It looked like you could barely lift it in that photo.

Bergy: I can just barely lift it.

Bergy: And I’m never going to use it

Bergy: The alternative is giving it to someone else that might cause massive damage with it, so this is for the best.

Hi_5: You could destroy it.

Hi_5: Delete it so no one can ever use it.

Bergy: That would mean destroying the BFG.

Bergy: So no.

Bergy: I’m keeping it.

Me_K.O: is there anything that I could do that would make you sell me the BFG?

Bergy: No.

Haneesh: I FOUND IT!

The Scorekeeper: Found what?

-Haneesh sent an image-

Haneesh: METAL KILLER!

Haneesh: I’ve been searching my house for it since that conversation we all had about the most dangerous glitches a few days ago.

Haneesh: Im gonna bring it to work so I can show you guys what I was talking about.

MitchFTW: What the hell is Metal Killer?

Haneesh: Mitch you weren’t there for it but a few days ago we all talked about what glitch would be the hardest to fight.

Haneesh: And this game I own has a boss so hard that I’ve never seen a single person able to even reach the second phase.

MitchFTW: I bet I could do that

MitchFTW: Give me 10 attempts and I could beat that boss easy

Haneesh: Wanna bet?

Haneesh: First person to beat the boss gets 20 bucks.

Haneesh: Anyone who shows up can try their luck.

MitchFTW: I’ll take that bet

MitchFTW: You’re on

Me_K.O: that game looks familiar

Haneesh: Miko do you also own a copy?

Me_K.O: no but I swear I’ve seen it before

Me_K.O: probably just passed by it in a store or something

The Scorekeeper: Haneesh when you arrive with that game I want you to treat it like an armed bomb.

The Scorekeeper: We spent a good while all agreeing that if that game glitches and creates a Metal Killer boss in real life that we’d all be screwed.

The Scorekeeper: And glitches tend to become whatever is currently on-screen.

The Scorekeeper: So MAKE SURE that that game doesn’t even have the slightest chance of glitching.

The Scorekeeper:Given what you’ve said about MK 10, I don’t want to even risk having to fight them for real.

MitchFTW: It’ll be fine because I’m going to beat that boss in record time

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division) Private Channel: Adam Michael Nix, Mitch Williams-

Adam: How about another bet?

Adam: If anyone at all beats this boss I’ll give you 20 dollars

Adam: But if nobody can beat this boss you need to give me 20 dollars

Mitch: You’re on.

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Would any of you mind telling me why you’ve all locked yourselves in the training room?

Zahra: Long story short Haneesh has an extremely hard game and the first person to beat a boss from it gets 20 bucks.

Zahra: Nix sealed the doors shut because he’s convinced that we’re all going to die if the game has even the slightest glitch.

The Scorekeeper: We’ve been over this before.

The Scorekeeper: If a boss escapes from Metal Killer, ESPECIALLY MK 10.

The Scorekeeper: WE. ARE. ALL. SCREWED.

The Scorekeeper: So we’re playing the game in the training room, which should be strong enough to contain any glitch that escapes, and I’ve sealed the door with plixelcraft to get rid of the only real exit.

MitchFTW: Nix you’re being paranoid over nothing

MitchFTW: I’m going to beat this boss in only a few attempts and you’ll see that it’s not that dangerous

MitchFTW: And I’ll be 40 bucks richer

The Scorekeeper: Why don’t you go first then?

MitchFTW: I was already going to do that

The Scorekeeper: So Mitch. How’s the game going?

MitchFTW: Shut up. I can still beat this boss in 10 attempts

The Scorekeeper: You said that 15 attempts ago.

MitchFTW: Shut up Adam

Haneesh: Yeah Mitch I’m going to have to limit you to 20 attempts.

Haneesh: Gotta let other people have a turn.

MitchFTW: I haven’t hit 20 attempts yet

MitchFTW: I can still beat this stupid boss

MitchFTW: That boss is impossible

Haneesh: I can guarantee that if Nix wasn’t struggling with his own attempt right now he would be saying I told you so.

MitchFTW: How far did I get anyways? I was so busy dodging attacks that I couldn’t pay attention to the boss’s healthbar

Bergy: Hang on I have an idea.

Bergy: @BITT [Administrator] Can you keep track of MK 10’s healthbar for everyone’s attempts and keep a score of who does the most damage?

BITT [Administrator]: @Bergy Yes

MitchFTW: let’s see if this works

MitchFTW: @BITT [Administrator] What was my score?

BITT [Administrator]: @MitchFTW MK-10 was at 80% health on your best attempt

The Scorekeeper: I couldn’t beat the boss.

The Scorekeeper: Also Mitch I told you so.

Bergy: We set up Bitt to work as a scorekeeper now.

The Scorekeeper: I could have done that.

The Scorekeeper: It’s in my name.

Hi_5: No one is going to call you that Nix.

The Scorekeeper: Fine. @BITT [Administrator] What’s my score?

BITT [Administrator]: @The_Scorekeeper MK-10 was at 85% health on your best attempt

MitchFTW: Still did better than you

The Scorekeeper: You couldn’t beat the boss though.

The Scorekeeper: It’s just

The Scorekeeper: It moves so fast and it’s so hard to dodge.

MitchFTW: Same problem

MitchFTW: It can dodge you but you can’t dodge it

MitchFTW: And those lightning attacks are downright unfair

Haneesh: Who wants to go next?

Bergy: I’ll try it.

Hi_5: Wow.

Hi_5: Bergy is getting his ass handed to him.

Me_K.O: yeah.

Me_K.O: i’m still trying to figure out if I’ve seen this game before.

Me_K.O: this boss looks so familiar.

Me_K.O: but at the same time I don’t ever remember owning or playing this game

Me_K.O: it’s weird

Hi_5: Maybe you saw a let’s play of it or something.

Me_K.O: Yeah that’s probably it.

Me_K.O: but there’s still this weird feeling I’m getting

Me_K.O: I don’t know how to spell it

Me_K.O: what’s that word for when you feel like you’ve done something before?

Hi_5: Déjà vu?

Me_K.O: that’s it

Bergy: I can’t do it.

Bergy: It can’t be done.

Bergy: It just can’t.

Bergy: @BITT [Administrator] What was my score?

BITT [Administrator]: @Bergy MK-10 was at 87% health on your best attempt

Zahra: Damn.

Zahra: My turn.

Zahra: I’ve seen three of you fight her, so I have a pretty good idea of what to expect.

Zahra: I swear it’s like this boss learns as you fight it.

Zahra: She eventually counters any strategy or approach you use against her.

Zahra: And then when you think you have the pattern down it does something completely new and unexpected like throwing her giant hammer at you.

Zahra: Which somehow always hits you because you’re never expecting it.

Bergy: Don’t forget when you do manage to dodge the hammer throw but it boomerangs back to MK 10 and still hits you on the way back.

Zahra: I know.

Zahra: @BITT [Administrator] What’s my score?

BITT [Administrator]: @Zahra_Rashid MK-10 was at 84% health on your best attempt

Zahra: At least I beat Nix by one percent.

Hi_5: Let me go next.

Hi_5: I think I have a strategy to beat her.

Hi_5: The longer this goes on the more I realize that Nix is right about us being screwed if this game glitches.

Hi_5: I never thought I’d say this but I’m sorry Nix, you were right to lock us in this room and seal the door completely shut in case something escapes from this game.

The Scorekeeper: You’re welcome.

MitchFTW: Hey how are we going to leave this room when we’re all done?

MitchFTW: The door is practically welded shut by Nix’s plixelcraft.

The Scorekeeper: We’ll cross that bridge when we get there.

The Scorekeeper: Also @BITT [Administrator] What’s Five’s score?

BITT [Administrator]: @Hi_5 MK-10 was at 86% health on your best attempt

Hi_5: How powerful is this dumb boss?

Haneesh: I’ll go next.

Haneesh: I’ve been playing this game on and off for years so I have a lot of practice here.

Haneesh: That’s as far as I can get in any of my attempts.

Haneesh: @BITT [Administrator] What’s my score?

BITT [Administrator]: @Haneesh_Jyoshi MK-10 was at 74% health on your best attempt

Zahra: Better than any of us.

Hi_5: But still not even halfway through the boss.

Haneesh:It’s only about halfway through the first phase.

MitchFTW: They’re ridiculously fast, their attacks are next to impossible to dodge, they hit like a truck and they have enough health to tank through any attack without stopping

The Scorekeeper: Now imagine fighting that in real life.

Bergy: The thought terrifies me.

Me_K.O: I’m going next.

Bergy: Good luck.

Bergy: You’re going to need it.

Haneesh: I don’t believe it.

Haneesh: She’s actually doing well.

Haneesh: It took her a couple of attempts to get this far but she’s actually doing well.

Zahra: You can do it Miko!

MitchFTW: Keep going

Hi_5: COME ON MIKO!

Hi_5: KILL THIS THING!

The Scorekeeper: I don’t think she’s blinked since she started playing.

Haneesh: SHE PARRIED MK 10!

Haneesh: THAT HAD TO BE FRAME PERFECT!

MitchFTW: Come on Miko I have 20 bucks on the line here

Zahra: Go Miko!

Zahra: Oof nevermind.

Haneesh: NOOOO!

Me_K.O: I was doing so good

Me_K.O: then I made one mistake and died instantly

Haneesh: @BITT [Administrator] What was Miko’s score?

BITT [Administrator]: @Me_K.O MK-10 was at 54% health on your best attempt

Haneesh: SHE WAS SO CLOSE TO HALF HEALTH!

Haneesh: WE ALMOST SAW PHASE TWO!

Haneesh: Miko how did you do it you need to tell me.

Me_K.O: I actually don’t know

Me_K.O: i just focused really really hard, got so focused and stressed that i sorta tuned out everything around me and the rest felt like muscle memory and instinct

Me_K.O: there’s some kind of pattern in there but I have no idea what it is

Hi_5: Do you think you could do that again?

Me_K.O: Give me a minute to refocus and yeah.

-Audio Transcript-

Five: Why did everything just go dark?

Zahra: Scanners are detecting a glitch!

Nix: OH GOD THE SCREEN IS GLITCHING!

Nix: I WAS RIGHT!

Mitch: EVERYONE GET READY!

Mitch: ZAHRA, GET READY TO GIVE US EVERY BUFF YOU HAVE!

Zahra: READY!

Mitch: EVERYONE ELSE, GET YOUR WEAPONS READY!

Zahra: PLIXEL BREACH IN THREE!

Zahra: TWO!

Zahra: ONE!

…

…

…

…

…

Five: It’s a hammer.

Haneesh: It’s MK 10’s hammer.

Bergy: A level one glitch item.

Mitch: I don’t know if i should be relieved or disappointed.

Miko: Dibs on the cool hammer!

….

….

Mitch: Bergy are you holding the fucking BFG 9000 from Doomed?

Bergy: I was scared.

Mitch: Why do you even have that?

-End Of Transcript-

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I have an interesting photo taken by the training room security cameras if anyone is interested.

-Phil Altiere [Moderator] sent an image-

[Image Description: Five, Miko, Mitch, Zahra, Bergy, Haneesh and Nix all pointing various weapons at a large futuristic looking hammer. Five, Haneesh and Mitch are pointing their gauntlets at it, Miko is brandishing her own plixel hammer, Zahra is holding a Hinobi minigun, Nix is pointing his gauntlet at the hammer and is also surrounded by plixelcraft barriers and Bergy is pointing the BFG 9000 at it.]

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I’m framing this in my office if anyone wants to see it.

Hi_5: @BITT [Administrator] What were everyone’s scores?

BITT [Administrator]: Generating scoreboard

[Scoreboard]:

Me_K.O got MK-10 to 54% health

Haneesh_Jyoshi got MK-10 to 74% health

MitchFTW got MK-10 to 80% health

Zahra_Rashid got MK-10 to 84% health

The_Scorekeeper got MK-10 to 85% health

Hi_5 got MK-10 to 86% health

Bergy got MK-10 to 87% health

Players that beat MK-10: None

Haneesh: So no one beat MK 10 so no one gets the 20 dollars.

Me_K.O: I came the closest though

Haneesh: You got to keep the glitched hammer.

Me_K.O: fair

The Scorekeeper: I got 20 dollars from Mitch specifically because no one could beat MK 10.

The Scorekeeper: The two of us made a separate bet.

The Scorekeeper: He’s still mad about it.

MitchFTW: I am not

The Scorekeeper: He is.

Haneesh: You know..

Haneesh: We could do this again sometime.

Haneesh: I got the game repaired so there’s no risk of it glitching again.

Hi_5: After that whole fakeout glitch mess that happened, I think I’m done with that boss.

Bergy: Yeah I’m with Five.

Bergy: We already got lucky and didn’t have to fight MK 10 in real life.

Bergy: I don’t want to risk it.

MitchFTW: Says the tech that owns a BFG

MitchFTW: If you say that the game has been repaired, I’m willing to try again

Me_K.O: I never thought I’d say this but I’m with Mitch here

Me_K.O: I almost got halfway through the boss last time

Me_K.O: I NEED to finish that fight

The Scorekeeper: I’ve been against using that game since the beginning so you guys should know where i stand here.

Zahra: I’m with Five Bergy and Nix.

Zahra: Not taking the risk.

Haneesh: That’s 3 votes for yes and 4 votes for no.

The Scorekeeper: Sorry Mitch and Miko, but you’re outvoted.

Me_K.O: :(

MitchFTW: Maybe some other time then

Chapter 6: Rained World

Chapter Text

Hi_5: Our scanners just found a whole bunch of glitches.

Haneesh: Oh cool

Haneesh: What’s there?

Hi_5: A level 1, a level 3 and a level 8

Hi_5: All from some game called rain world apparently.

Haneesh: Never heard of it.

Me_K.O: me and Five haven’t played it either

Me_K.O: shouldn’t be too hard

Zahra: I’ve heard of it but never played it.

Zahra: Apparently it’s super hard so good luck.

Hi_5: Thanks.

-Hi_5 sent an image-

The Scorekeeper: Is that Miko wrestling a purple lizard from rain world?

Me_K.O: yes

Me_K.O: I won by the way

Hi_5: We figured out that the head is immune to damage so i distracted it and Miko went for the body.

The Scorekeeper: You do know that you can tame lizards right?

Me_K.O: YOU CAN?!

The Scorekeeper: You feed them meat or smaller creatures and there’s a chance they’ll be tamed by you.

Me_K.O: I COULD HAVE HAD A COOL LIZARD FRIEND AND NO ONE TOLD ME?!

Me_K.O: WAIT I COULD HAVE GOTTEN ALLY A FRIEND

The Scorekeeper: Do you two know anything about Rain World?

The Scorekeeper: Not trying to be rude just curious.

Hi_5: Nope.

Hi_5: Do you?

The Scorekeeper: I have like 200+ hours trying to get all the achievements.

The Scorekeeper: I can still hear the nightcat campaign laughing at me.

Hi_5: I don’t know what that means but cool.

Hi_5: Miko is still mourning the lizard she killed by the way.

Me_K.O: I feel like i picked the evil dialogue option without realizing it

Me_K.O: I could have gotten Ally a friend

Me_K.O: But instead i stabbed him in the back and sucked him up into my gauntlet

Me_K.O: truly the worst ending

Hi_5: Anyways Nix would you mind telling us what some of these glitches do because we have no idea what we’re going up against

The Scorekeeper: What exactly are you guys seeing?

Hi_5: That lizard was level 3

Hi_5: So that leaves a level 1 and a level 8

Me_K.O: I found the level 1

-Me_K.O sent an image-

Me_K.O: weird looking yellow plant

The Scorekeeper: That’s a karma flower.

The Scorekeeper: Its basically a powerup.

Me_K.O: how do I use it then?

The Scorekeeper: You eat it.

Me_K.O: ok

Me_K.O: also more important question what does it do because Ally just ate it

The Scorekeeper: It prevents your karma from going down when you die.

Hi_5: So like a 1-up?

The Scorekeeper: Nope.

The Scorekeeper: Karma in rain world is basically just how you enter new areas.

The Scorekeeper: So it’s pretty much useless in the real world.

Me_K.O: oh

Me_K.O: I was hoping for a second that Ally would get some kind of cool powers from eating it

Me_K.O: but it’s just useless

Hi_5: Ally just coughed up the root form so that’s the level 1 down.

Hi_5: That just leaves the biggest threat.

Me_K.O: scanners are detecting them somewhere around here but I’m not seeing anything

The Scorekeeper: There’s a type of lizard that can camouflage and climb walls so it could be one of those

The Scorekeeper: Or a leapzard.

The Scorekeeper: actually with that high level it’s probably something along the lines of a red lizard so look out.

Me_K.O: Nix please tell me you tame them

The Scorekeeper: you can tame any lizard

Me_K.O: YES

Me_K.O: A SECOND CHANCE

The Scorekeeper: Wait also

The Scorekeeper: I don’t know if it works this way in the real world but in rain world most Lizards have a chance to instantly kill you with a bite.

Me_K.O: i’m sorry what

Hi_5: WHAT?!

The Scorekeeper: I don’t know the exact chance of it happening but yeah.

The Scorekeeper: In rain world you die in one hit most of the time and the creatures have a chance to either grab you and give you a chance to escape or instantly kill you.

The Scorekeeper: So rain world creatures in the real world probably do a stupid amount of damage.

Hi_5: I really wish we knew that before we fought that lizard now.

Hi_5: Had no idea it could have one-shot us at any moment.

Me_K.O: I jumped onto the back of something that could oneshot me and wrestled it

Me_K.O: AND WON

Hi_5: Wait do you think that would work on other glitches?

Hi_5: Like if we tamed a lizard and made it into a companion pet could it one-shot other glitches?

The Scorekeeper: Maybe?

Me_K.O: i’m finding a lizard and taming it if it’s the last thing I do

The Scorekeeper: Any luck?

Hi_5: Nothing so far.

Hi_5: We’ve split up and swept the area but we haven’t found any other glitches.

Me_K.O: WAIT

Me_K.O: I think I see something

Me_K.O: looks like a big bird way up in the sky

Me_K.O: obviously a glitch

-Me_K.O sent an image-

Me_K.O: very far away in the sky

Me_K.O: I could probably fly up there with Ally

Hi_5: I’m heading over to where you are

The Scorekeeper: Wait a minute.

The Scorekeeper: That looks like a vulture.

Hi_5: What do they do?

The Scorekeeper: They stay up in the sky until they swoop down, try to catch something and then fly back up into the sky with their prey.

The Scorekeeper: They’re one of the more dangerous creatures.

The Scorekeeper: Look out for its shadow to tell when and where its going to land.

Me_K.O: can you tame them?

Me_K.O: I want to get another bird friend for Ally to make up for the lizard

The Scorekeeper: You cannot tame them.

Me_K.O: :(

Hi_5: Wait I see its shadow.

Hi_5: It’s heading towards us.

The Scorekeeper: Remember that most creatures in rain world will instantly either knock you out or kill you.

The Scorekeeper: Be careful.

Me_K.O: yep

Me_K.O: wait

Me_K.O: OH NERDS ITS SO HUGE

Hi_5: NIX IT HAS A HARPOON GUN

The Scorekeeper: Shit

The Scorekeeper: TAKE COVER SOMEWHERE

The Scorekeeper: Thats a King Vulture

The Scorekeeper: HIDE

The Scorekeeper: That harpoon gun is no joke

Me_K.O: SHIT ITS GOT ALLY

The Scorekeeper: With harpoon?

Hi_5: Grabbed Ally with it’s mouth

Hi_5: Nix you need to see this

-Hi_5 sent an image-

-Hi_5 sent an image-

The Scorekeeper: What am I looking at?

The Scorekeeper: Is that Miko?

Hi_5: She grabbed a harpoon that was stuck in the ground, got reeled in with it and is like 1000 feet up now

Hi_5: I can’t tell what she’s doing

Hi_5: wait she’s riding Ally down now I think

Me_K.O: im fitnt

Me_K.O: finr

Me_K.O: landed

Me_K.O: fine

The Scorekeeper: What happened?

Me_K.O: it grabbed Ally

Me_K.O: so I grabbed its harpoon while it was stuck in the ground

Me_K.O: got pulled into the sky with it

Me_K.O: and I shot the vulture in the face until it let go of my birb

Me_K.O: Ally caught me and flew me back down

Hi_5: That was insane.

The Scorekeeper: Don’t scare any of us like that.

Me_K.O: trust me I never want to do that again

Me_K.O: terrifying

Me_K.O: but hey I saved Ally and knocked off the vulture’s mask thing so that’s good

The Scorekeeper: Wait you knocked off its mask?

Me_K.O: yeah

Me_K.O: I didn’t see where it fell though

Me_K.O: is that a good thing

The Scorekeeper: Vulture masks are useful because they’re valuable and scare away lizards.

The Scorekeeper: But knocking them off also pisses off the vulture I think.

The Scorekeeper: Hang on let me pull up the wiki.

Hi_5: I’m going to start heading back to the van and hide there for a bit so I’m not in the open when the vulture comes back

Me_K.O: going with you

Me_K.O: I need to heal Ally after that

The Scorekeeper: I looked it up.

The Scorekeeper: If a vulture looses its mask, it will relentlessly hunt down the creature that removed it and its bites will become 100% lethal instead of just grabbing the creature.

The Scorekeeper: So I think you just pissed it off and made it worse.

Me_K.O: well fuck

Hi_5: Nix is there a way to put the mask back on.

The Scorekeeper: No

Me_K.O: I SEE IT!

Me_K.O: ITS COMING BACK FOR ANOTHER SWOOP!

Hi_5: RUN!

Hi_5: GET TO THE VAN!

The Scorekeeper: GO GO GO!

MitchFTW: @Me_K.O @Hi_5 What the hell is going on?

MitchFTW: I just saw you two drive by at a million miles an hour being chased by a massive glitch

The Scorekeeper: Rain world king vulture

The Scorekeeper: Can shoot massive harpoons and its bite can one shot you

Hi_5: I’m driving the van as fast as I can and Miko is shooting at it out the back door

Me_K.O: not very well

Me_K.O: it keeps almost harpooning the van

Hi_5: Backup would be appreciated

MitchFTW: On my way

Hi_5: We’re heading towards the bridge at the edge of town

MitchFTW: I’ll meet you there

Hi_5: almost there

Me_K.O: SHI

BITT [Administrator]: [Automatic Alert]: Tech Van 1732 (Current Users: Hector Nieves, Miko Kubota) has been severely damaged or destroyed. Please send a Hinobi Patch Disk and/or a replacement vehicle to its location.

MitchFTW: FIVE

MitchFTW: MIKO

The Scorekeeper: @Hi_5 @Me_K.O

The Scorekeeper: @Hi_5 @Me_K.O HELLO

The Scorekeeper: @Hi_5 @Me_K.O ARE YOU TWO OK?

Hi_5: We’re ok.

Me_K.O: were ok

MitchFTW: What happened?

MitchFTW: Where are you two now?

Me_K.O: the ulture got tge van with onr of its harpons and yankst it rignt off teh road

Hi_5: She means we got yanked off the bridge.

Hi_5: Ally caught Miko and I have jet boots so we were able to fly back up before we hit the ground.

The Scorekeeper: What about the vulture?

Hi_5: It got dragged down with the van by its harpoon.

Hi_5: I think I can see it still looking around in the van’s remains for us.

Me_K.O: also my gau tlet got hit by the harpoon when it shotthe vann so it’s coplmsetely destriodh right now

Me_K.O: textjnh wuth phonr

The Scorekeeper: Miko Are you ok?

Me_K.O: i’m fine

Me_K.O: harpoon just barekyr missed me

Me_K.O: it just hit my gmantlet and sorta grazed my ha d

Me_K.O: i’m finw

Hi_5: She’s not fine.

Hi_5: She is VERY not fine.

Me_K.O: im perfectly okay rightnow

Me_K.O: except for ghe brolen gauntlet

-Hi_5 sent an image-

The Scorekeeper: Miko

The Scorekeeper: I can see your hand and arm bleeding.

The Scorekeeper: Also that gauntlet is beyond fucked.

The Scorekeeper: it’s basically cut in half down the length of your arm.

Me_K.O: i’m teljng you i’m fiine

Me_K.O: doesn’t hurt atall

Hi_5: Miko I can see you grimacing and holding your arm and you can barely type.

Hi_5: You’re not fooling anyone.

MitchFTW: I have some support items so I’ll heal you once I get there

MitchFTW: Just put pressure on your arm and maybe keep it elevated

MitchFTW: Also try to bandage it with something

MitchFTW: Your gauntlet probably has some really basic support gear built in as well

Me_K.O: o k

MitchFTW: I’m almost there

MitchFTW: Nix what exactly can this glitch do?

The Scorekeeper: It’s a massive flying creature that can shoot retractable harpoons and its bite should be able to instantly kill most things.

The Scorekeeper: It aims its harpoon shots with a laser so you can use that to figure out when and where it’s going to shoot.

The Scorekeeper: Miko figured out that you can grab the harpoons after they’ve been fired and use them to be reeled in towards the glitch if you need to get close.

MitchFTW: Any weak points?

The Scorekeeper: it’s Rain World so…

The Scorekeeper: Electricity can probably stun it and most of the time vultures are killed with either a shitton of spears or a good shot to the body with an explosive.

MitchFTW: Got it

-Gauntlet Video Recording: MitchFTW-

-Location: Bailley Suspension Bridge-

*A blue portal appears in the middle of the road and Mitch’s Van comes speeding out of it. It skids to a stop in front of Five and Miko. Miko is unarmored, her gauntlet is destroyed and there’s a massive gash going from the bottom of her wrist and all the way down the underside of her arm to her elbow. She’s very clearly in pain. Ally is there using her head as an armrest for Miko.*

*Mitch exits the van.*

Mitch: Miko, there’s a first aid kit and some healing items in the back of the van.

Mitch: Go get yourself healed.

Miko, in pain: On it.

*Miko walks past Mitch, climbs into the back of his Van and shuts it behind her. Ally follows her in.*

Mitch: Now where’s this glitch? I saw it chasing you two noobs relentlessly a few minutes ago, so where did it go?

Five: It was just-

*A loud screech is heard. Suddenly, a gigantic creature flies out from under the bridge and hovers far above Five and Mitch. The King Vulture has a large, black, oval-shaped body, with big, bony, grey shoulder blades, a long, slender neck and two large wings lined with many tube shaped “feathers” that hang limply from the wings. Its face consists of two beady red eyes and a pair of two small mandibles, and there are two large, curved harpoons, both white with brown stripes, mounted to the sides of its head and connected to the base of its neck with two thick cords. Four small vents near the shoulder blades on its underside continuously emit a purple gas as it flies, seemingly aiding it in controlling its flight.*

Five: Under the bridge..

*The Vulture lets out another loud screech and begins to dive towards the two techs.*

Mitch: START SHOOTING!

*Mitch and Five begin firing at the King Vulture with their gauntlets, but it shows little signs of taking damage.*

*The Vulture comes to a stop and hovers in mid-air above the techs. Then it begins to shine a red laser pointer from one of its eyes straight at Mitch. The Laser blinks several times and then suddenly, the Vulture fires one of its harpoons at Mitch, who easily jumps to the side and dodges.*

Mitch: I don’t know what you three were talking about. If that’s all it can do this fight should be easy mode.

*The Vulture forcibly yanks its fired harpoon out of the ground, retracts it back into itself, lets out a loud cry, and dives straight towards Mitch.*

Mitch: Oh nerds.

*The Vulture slams headfirst into Mitch, repeatedly attempting to bite him. Mitch grabs the harpoons on each side of the Vulture’s head, one with each hand, and holds on, keeping himself just out of reach of the Vulture’s jaws.*

Five: MITCH!

*The Vulture begins to rise, still screeching and snapping at a Mitch that is staying just out of reach by holding onto the Vulture’s harpoons, spewing thick purple gas from various areas of its body as it continues to move higher and higher.*

*As he’s holding on for dear life, Mitch repeatedly kicks the Vulture in the face.*

*The Vulture, now high above the ground and still rising, shines another blinking red laser straight forwards with no clear target, signaling that it’s about to fire another harpoon. Mitch visibly gets an idea.*

*The Vulture fires its right harpoon straight upwards, and as it does, Mitch lets go of the left harpoon and grabs hold of the right one with both hands, being fired away with the harpoon.*

*The harpoon flies with Mitch holding on until it reaches the end of its tether.*

Mitch: Alright, let’s see how you like a taste of your own medicine, glitch!

*Mitch activates his rocket boots and swings the harpoon around, before rocketing it straight towards the King Vulture and stabbing the harpoon directly into the Vulture’s back.*

*The Vulture screams, and begins shaking and spinning around erratically in mid-air to try and get Mitch off of it while also attempting to reach around to its back to bite him. Mitch continues to hold onto the harpoon lodged in the vulture’s back. Mitch then activates his gauntlet’s wrist blade and begins repeatedly stabbing the Vulture with it.*

*The Vulture, still straining its neck backwards to face Mitch, aims another red laser at Mitch, indicating that it’s about the fire its other harpoon*

*The Vulture fires its second harpoon at Mitch. Mitch ducks closer to the Vulture’s body to avoid it, then grabs the harpoon as it flies past him, being pulled along by the harpoon just like the last time.*

*The harpoon flies with Mitch holding on until it reaches the end of its tether, at which point Mitch lets go, presses a bunch of buttons on his gauntlet’s screen and aims at the Vulture as his gauntlet charges up for one powerful shot.*

Mitch: Boosh.

*Mitch fires a massive bolt of energy directly through the Vulture’s body, leaving a hole going straight through the glitch. The Vulture’s form glitches and sparks for just a moment before detonating in a massive explosion. Mitch begins falling downwards toward the ground.*

*Mitch Continues Falling. As he gets close to hitting the ground, he aims his feet towards the ground and activates his jet boots and slows his fall.*

*Mitch lands on the bridge with a roll. Behind him, the Vulture, now extremely glitchy and smoking, falls and completely misses the bridge, falling right past it. Mitch is panting and visibly out of breath.*

*Camera slowly pans to Five and Miko (now with a bandaged arm), staring at Mitch with looks of pure shock and awe.*

Mitch, out of breath: Like I said.

*Mitch bends over and places his hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath*

Mitch, out of breath: Easy mode.

*A loud screech is heard, and the gang all look towards the edge of the bridge to the see the Vulture, still glitching heavily, flying right back up. It drunkenly stumbles around in the air for a few seconds, releasing pressurized, pixelated gas from various parts of its body as it flies in an attempt to stabilize itself, before it falls right out of the sky, hits the road on the bridge extremely hard and immediately collapses into a pile of plixels and its root form.*

-End of Recording-

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

Zahra: I heard about what happened.

Zahra: Is everyone ok?

Hi_5: we’re mostly fine now.

Hi_5: we’re driving back in Mitch’s van.

Me_K.O: im better now

Me_K.O: got patched up

Zahra: Like with an actual first aid kit or a powerup?

Me_K.O: half life 2 health jar

Me_K.O: also bandaged my arm before that to stop it from bleeding

MitchFTW: Me and Five had to practically hold her in place to inject her with the damn thing

Zahra: OH

Zahra: YOU MEAN THE HEALTH VIALS

Zahra: She doesn’t know how those things are made, right?

Me_K.O: SHUT UP

Me_K.O: I KNOW

Me_K.O: I KNOW THAT GREEN STUFF IS BUG JUICE

Me_K.O: DONT REMIND ME THAT I HAVE BUG JUICE IN MY VEINS NOW

Zahra: If it makes you feel any better it’s all made of Plixels so it’ll turn into energy and be out of your system in like 10 minutes tops.

Me_K.O: Im not talking about this anymore

Me_K.O: anyways arm still hurts but it’s not cut open and bleeding now

Me_K.O: I have a big scar there as well now

Hi_5: Yeah you should probably not let your family see that.

Zahra: That should fade after a few days of Hinobi healing.

Zahra: Speaking of which I have actual support gear back here so I want to take a look at that arm.

Me_K.O: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ACTUAL SUPPORT GEAR

Me_K.O: I GOT INJECTED WITH DIGITAL BUG JUICE WTF DO YOU MEAN ACTUAL SUPPORT GEAR

Zahra: Healing items like that are meant for use out in the field when you don’t have an actual medic with support gear.

Zahra: It heals, but not as good as the specialized Hinobi gear.

Zahra: Most techs use it as a temporary solution until they can get actually healed.

Me_K.O: @MitchFTW MITCH

MitchFTW: Don’t look at me. I don’t have any actual healing gear

Me_K.O: YOU HAVE LITERALLY EVERY GAUNTLET UPGRADE!!

MitchFTW: NOT ALL OF THEM

MitchFTW: I just started going down the support tree a week ago

MitchFTW: Plus most of the actual healing stuff needs a bunch of extra training and required medical classes to be allowed to use it

MitchFTW: Why else would i fill my van with healing items instead of support gear?

Zahra: As someone who has actually taken those extra required classes, I can confirm that

Me_K.O: fine

Hi_5: I think I’m still in shock from watching Mitch kill that vulture.

Hi_5: I don’t think I’ve ever seen you do anything that cool.

Hi_5: Ever.

MitchFTW: I’m not just top of the leaderboards because I “steal glitches”

MitchFTW: I’m top of the leaderboards because I’m the best damn glitch tech in Bailley

Me_K.O: and also because you steal people’s glitches

MitchFTW: It’s not my fault you two are slow and serve as good distractions

The Scorekeeper: Hey what about the Vulture’s mask that Miko punched off?

The Scorekeeper: Did anyone else find that or?

MitchFTW: I wouldn’t worry about it

MitchFTW: Best case scenario it evaporated back into plixels either when it came off or when the vulture died

MitchFTW: Worst case scenario it’s a level one glitch item and Bergy finds it

-Recovered Traffic Surveillance Camera Footage-

-Location: Bailley Main Street-

-Time: 2:48 AM-

*It’s extremely dark outside, there are no cars on the road and there are no people in sight. It’s eerily quiet.*

*Suddenly, an Overseer from Rain World can be seen. It’s a small, worm-like creature with a single large eye, with tiny, stubby little armlike tendrils near the front end and the other end tapering off into a tail, all coloured a bright, glowing neon yellow.*

*The glitchy Overseer quickly darts back and forth and flies all over the place, observing random things and occasionally stopping to project strange holographic symbols from its singular eye.*

*Eventually, something catches its attention. The Overseer darts over to a storm drain on the side of the road, stares directly into it and begins projecting a hologram of two symbols, one of top of the other. The upper one is made up of three horizontal lines and the lower one resembles an upside down number two, and a vertical line runs down the middle, connecting both symbols together. This symbol rapidly flashes yellow and red.*

*Suddenly, a robotic arm shoots out from the drain and snatches the Overseer in a quick, jerky motion, before pulling its arm and its prey back into the drain just as quickly as it appeared.*

*Several seconds pass without anything happening*

*A faint red light appears in the storm drain.*

*The light in the drain glows just a bit brighter, then just a bit more. Then suddenly all the cameras can see is a massive flash of bright red light and*

-Connection Lost-

Chapter 7: Turns out Bergy attracts overpowered video game items like a magnet

Chapter Text

Bergy: Me and Nix found something cool.

-Bergy sent an image-

Hi_5: Is that the fierce deity mask?

The Scorekeeper: Yep

Haneesh: Does it work?

Bergy: Probably.

Bergy: If it does work then I’ll probably be able to fight boss level glitches like it’s nothing.

Bergy: And Mitch says that level 1 glitches and quests are wastes of time.

Hi_5: You gotta put it on now.

Haneesh: Yeah you just need to now.

Me_K.O: put on the mask!

Me_K.O: put on the mask!

Me_K.O: put on the mask!

Bergy: Im going to.

Bergy: Just need to fix up the area and double check for any more glitches.

The Scorekeeper: Hey guys.

The Scorekeeper: Is anyone available right now?

The Scorekeeper: Need a bit of help.

Haneesh: What happened?

-The Scorekeeper sent an image-

Haneesh: Bergy put on the mask?

The Scorekeeper: Yeah

The Scorekeeper: And now he’s not moving.

Haneesh: What?

The Scorekeeper: He put on the mask, the fierce deity model appeared around him like an Armour Skin and now he’s frozen in place.

The Scorekeeper: The deity won’t move.

The Scorekeeper: I scanned it and Bergy’s still in there.

The Scorekeeper: He’s not possessed or anything and he’s still conscious and breathing.

The Scorekeeper: But he’s just stuck standing there.

The Scorekeeper: He won’t react to anything I do or anything nearby,

The Scorekeeper: I even punched it and still got no reaction.

The Scorekeeper: Also I learned that punching the fierce deity is like punching a brick wall.

Hi_5: What happened?

The Scorekeeper: I think the Glitch is still tethered to a console so the deity can only move if you use the game it came from and its controller to control it.

The Scorekeeper: So Bergy is stuck there until someone finds whatever console the glitch came from and uses the controller to make the deity take off the mask.

The Scorekeeper: It was a motionless mask a few minutes ago so the game can’t be far from here.

MitchFTW: Im nearby

MitchFTW: I can drop by as soon as I catch this glitch

MitchFTW: or not

MitchFTW: What just happened?

The Scorekeeper: ???

MitchFTW: The glitch just disappeared off my radar

MitchFTW: It’s just gone

MitchFTW: Hang on

The Scorekeeper: Alright.

The Scorekeeper: So is anyone available right now to help with the Bergy situation?

The Scorekeeper: Need someone to help me search for a glitchy console.

Hi_5: Sorry but no.

Hi_5: Me and Miko are in the sewers right now trying to catch a Metroidvania Grunt.

Me_K.O: NEVERMIND NOT JUST A GRUNT THERES A BUNCH OF BRUTES DOWN HERE

Me_K.O: ONE HAS A GRAVITY HAMMER

Me_K.O: FIVE HELP

Hi_5: OMW

The Scorekeeper: ok then

The Scorekeeper: @Haneesh @Zahra What about you guys?

Haneesh: I’m across town at Joystick Jr’s right now.

Haneesh: I could head over there but it’ll take a while.

Zahra: I’m across town near Mama Miyamoto's.

Zahra: So I’ll also take a while.

-MitchFTW sent an image-

MitchFTW: My radar picked up a high level glitch here

MitchFTW: And there’s burnt and destroyed stuff so a glitch was definitely here

MitchFTW: But no Glitch

MitchFTW: It’s just gone

Haneesh: Sounds like someone got their glitch stolen.

Haneesh: Feels bad when it happens to you, doesn’t it Mitch.

MitchFTW: But none of you are near this area

MitchFTW: The closest people to me right now are Nix and Bergy a few blocks down

The Scorekeeper: Weird. Maybe it was unstable and collapsed?

The Scorekeeper: Anyways can you come over here and help with the Bergy situation.

MitchFTW: Just give me a second while I throw a patch disk over the area.

MitchFTW: Hang on again.

-MitchFTW sent an image-

MitchFTW: That stupid traffic camera down the road is gone.

The Scorekeeper: So?

The Scorekeeper: Someone probably broke it or stole it.

The Scorekeeper: Good riddance anyways.

The Scorekeeper: I got so many tickets and fines because of that thing and it was a massive hassle to deal with whenever a glitch got caught on it.

MitchFTW: Look at the base of it.

MitchFTW: It looks like one of our weapons shot it clean off.

The Scorekeeper: A stray shot from one of us or a glitch probably hit it without us noticing.

The Scorekeeper: I still say good riddance to that to that stupid thing.

The Scorekeeper: I think we need more backup.

Zahra: Isn’t Mitch with you?

MitchFTW: I am and I think we need more backup

Haneesh: What’s going on?

The Scorekeeper: Alright so Mitch got here.

MitchFTW: Then out of nowhere that thing went full aggro on us

MitchFTW: Chased us down several blocks

Zahra: I thought Bergy couldn’t move?

Zahra: Isn’t the glitch tethered?

The Scorekeeper: Apparently not because the second it saw Mitch it went straight for him.

The Scorekeeper: It attacked me when I got in between it and Mitch.

The Scorekeeper: But it mostly just went straight after Mitch when I wasn’t in the way.

The Scorekeeper: Me and Mitch are taking cover behind a car right now.

Haneesh: Where’s Bergy now?

-MitchFTW sent an image-

[Image Description: In the distance, standing in the middle of the road, is the Fierce Deity from Majora’s Mask. Just standing there. Menacingly.]

MitchFTW: It’s back to just standing there again.

MitchFTW: We’re keeping our distance in case it starts moving again

Me_K.O: what’s going on?

MitchFTW: Read the last few messages

Hi_5: Hang on I think we’re actually pretty close to you guys right now.

Hi_5: We could meet up with you and Nix in like 5 minutes.

The Scorekeeper: Please do.

The Scorekeeper: I don’t understand how this glitch works and I have no idea how to fight against the fierce deity if it starts moving again.

Zahra: I can probably make my way over there as well in a few minutes.

Zahra: So wait a bit.

Haneesh: Me too actually.

-Audio Transcript-

Mitch: Alright.

Mitch: Here’s the plan.

Mitch: We know that the glitch goes after me but seems to ignore Nix for some reason.

Mitch: So I say we send someone else over there and see how it reacts.

Mitch: If it just keeps standing there, we send over another person.

Mitch: and if it starts moving we all throw up some speed boosts and run for the hills.

Mitch: Zahra stays back here for now to snipe the thing if it starts moving.

Five: What about Bergy? He’s still underneath the glitch.

Nix: it’s the Fierce Deity. After what I saw it do while chasing Mitch I’m pretty sure Zahra’s sniper won’t do much to it.

Nix: Besides maybe piss it off or distract it.

Zahra: Sounds like a plan then.

Zahra: Just….

Zahra: Who’s going to go over there first?

…..

…..

…..

…..

…..

Everyone At Once: NOT IT!

…..

…..

Mitch: Ok…

Mitch: Let’s think about this.

Mitch: I can’t go over there because it’ll definitely attack me.

Mitch: Nix definitely CAN go over there without anything happening.

Miko: So Nix goes first?

Nix: I could act as damage control actually.

Nix: Go over there and use some Plixelcraft to keep it in place.

Nix: And also be there in case it starts moving.

Mitch: Alright so Nix definitely goes first.

Mitch: Then who?

Five: Mitch can’t go at all and Zahra is sniping from back here so she’d need to be one of the last people to go.

Five: So that leaves me, Miko and Haneesh.

…..

…..

Miko: Rock paper scissors to decide?

Five and Haneesh: Sure.

…..

…..

…..

Five: Nerds.

-End Of Transcript-

-Hi_5 sent an image-

Hi_5: it doesn’t react to me.

Zahra: No reaction at all?

Hi_5: None.

Hi_5: It’s just staring

Hi_5: Actually now that im looking at it it’s staring straight at you guys in the distance

Me_K.O: Creepy.

MitchFTW: So it freaks out at the sight of me, but doesn’t care about Five or Nix?

The Scorekeeper: Looks like it.

The Scorekeeper: Anyways I made a bunch of plixelcraft chains holding this thing down so that should give us a bit more time if it starts moving again.

The Scorekeeper: Also I vote we send Haneesh over next.

The Scorekeeper: We could really use his debuffs to start getting this glitch off of Bergy.

Zahra: Then Miko, then me?

MitchFTW: That should work

MitchFTW: I can take up sniping when you go over there

Haneesh: I REALLY don’t like the idea of going towards this thing.

The Scorekeeper: You should be fine.

The Scorekeeper: If it starts moving in any way we’ll warn you and you can run back.

The Scorekeeper: Plus the plixelcraft I set up should slow it down.

Zahra: And Im still ready to shoot if it moves.

Haneesh: Still no reaction.

Haneesh: it doesn’t care about me.

MitchFTW: Why does this thing only go after me?

Hi_5: Maybe it’s confusing you for something else?

MitchFTW: Like what?

MitchFTW: Name any Triforce enemy that that thing could be confusing me for

-Me_K.O sent an image-

MitchFTW: I’m sending you over there now and im not expecting you to return

Hi_5: @Me_K.O WAIT

Haneesh: @Me_K.O STOP

The Scorekeeper: @Me_K.O NO

Haneesh: @Me_K.O TURN BACK

Hi_5: @Me_K.O STOP

Haneesh: @Me_K.O NOW

The Scorekeeper: @Me_K.O NO

The Scorekeeper: @Me_K.O NO

The Scorekeeper: @Me_K.O NO

MitchFTW: I WAS KIDDING ABOUT NOT EXPECTING YOU TO RETURN

MitchFTW: WHY THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?

The Scorekeeper: It saw Miko in its line of sight and just lunged forwards.

The Scorekeeper: Just tore through all the chains I set up like it was nothing.

The Scorekeeper: And now that Miko isn’t in line of sight anymore it’s back to being frozen.

The Scorekeeper: I think it made it about 20 feet before it stopped moving again.

Haneesh: it was under like 4 different debuffs too.

Hi_5: Good shot Zahra.

Hi_5: you got it as soon as it started moving.

Zahra: Thanks.

Zahra: Didn’t stop it from moving though. Just barely slowed it down.

Zahra: I threw on an addon that slows targets for this as well so that thing is insanely strong.

MitchFTW: Alright.

MitchFTW: So now we know that this thing only targets me and Miko for some weird reason.

MitchFTW: And also maybe Zahra

Zahra: I’m going to check that actually.

Zahra: @Hi_5 Let me know if the fierce deity does anything when I step into view.

Hi_5: Nothing.

Haneesh: Maybe try coming a bit closer.

Hi_5: Still nothing.

Hi_5: I think you’re good.

Zahra: Ok.

Zahra: I’m going over there to help Bergy.

MitchFTW: Ok so now we definitely know that it only targets me and Miko for some weird reason.

MitchFTW: Why?

Me_K.O: I don’t know

Me_K.O: how does the fierce deity normally work?

Hi_5: It’s just a transformation you can unlock so it probably works like any Triforce Link would.

Me_K.O: Then why are me and Mitch its only targets?

Me_K.O: And why does it completely freeze up like that whenever it can’t see us?

Zahra: WAIT I THINK I GOT IT

The Scorekeeper: A way to get the glitch off of Bergy or the reason it’s acting so weirdly?

Zahra: Why it’s acting so weird.

Zahra: Tell me

Zahra: What’s unique about the fierce deity mask?

Me_K.O: You unlock it by collecting all the masks in the game?

MitchFTW: It’s the best mask for combat?

Hi_5: It doesn’t come from using the song of healing on anyone?

MitchFTW: It makes all the bosses easy?

Hi_5: WAIT

Hi_5: YOU CAN ONLY USE IT IN BOSS FIGHTS

Zahra: Exactly

Zahra: It’s freezing up like this because it knows that it isn’t in a boss fight and it’s programming has no idea how to handle that scenario.

Zahra: So it just freezes in place and doesn’t move until it thinks it’s in another boss fight.

Zahra: And it only attacks what it considers bosses.

MitchFTW: Wait does that mean it thinks I’m a boss?

The Scorekeeper: You’re the highest ranking Tech in Bailley besides our literal boss why didn’t we figure this out sooner.

The Scorekeeper: It probably views us as regular enemies or some kind of Miniboss and then you as an actual boss because you’re a way higher level than the rest of us.

Me_K.O: what about me though?

Me_K.O: me and Five are like level 8 and it still tried to charge at me

Zahra: Miko.

Zahra: Girl.

Zahra: Tell me exactly what you are holding in your hands right now.

Me_K.O: MK-10’s hammer from metal killer and I see the problem now

MitchFTW: So it thinks I’m a boss because of my high level

MitchFTW: And also because I am one

MitchFTW: And it thinks Miko is a boss because it saw her holding a weapon belonging to a boss and connected some dots together

Haneesh: Seems about right.

Me_K.O: so if I get rid of the hammer it should let me over there right?

Hi_5: @Me_K.O WAIT

Haneesh: @Me_K.O STOP

The Scorekeeper: @Me_K.O NO

Haneesh: @Me_K.O TURN BACK

The Scorekeeper: @Me_K.O NO

Zahra: @Me_K.O STOP

Me_K.O: nevermind

Zahra: Another huge lunge forwards by the fierce deity

MitchFTW: It already saw you with the hammer so I don’t think that’ll change anything

Me_K.O: I figured that out on my own

Me_K.O: @The_Scorekeeper anything we can do for you guys?

The Scorekeeper: Not really.

The Scorekeeper: We have Zahra and Haneesh weakening its form with Debuffs and me and Five slowly de-rezzing it without hurting Bergy.

The Scorekeeper: A lot of plixelcraft holding it in place even though it’s shown twice now that it doesn’t actually do anything.

Hi_5: Hey why don’t you do this sort of thing with possessors?

Hi_5: Slowly remove the plixels without hurting the person inside?

MitchFTW: Possessors are different

MitchFTW: This is an entity glitch that formed itself around Bergy

MitchFTW: Like a glitchy, dangerous version of when you use an Armor Skin with your gauntlet

MitchFTW: Possessors go deep into a person’s brain and anything the glitch experiences, the host will too

MitchFTW: Including the feeling of their form slowly being broken down and removed like what you’re doing there

MitchFTW: Plus good luck trying to do that painfully slow process on something that’s fighting back and can also possess you at close range

Hi_5: Good point.

Me_K.O: let me know when you guys are almost done over there

Me_K.O: it’s boring back here with the Mitchpire

MitchFTW: HEY

The Scorekeeper: We’ve almost got Bergy’s face free so that’s a good start.

The Scorekeeper: Still wouldn’t recommend coming over though since not all Glitches need eyes to see.

Me_K.O: that’s a horrifying glitch fact and I wish I didn’t learn it

MitchFTW: I was going to make the offer to erase your mind but I realized that the joke wouldn’t really work

Bergy: I’m back

Me_K.O: BERGY!

MitchFTW: Me and Miko are behind that yellow car in the distance

MitchFTW: The fierce deity wouldn’t let us get close

Bergy: The others told me about that

Me_K.O: are you ok?

Me_K.O: what did you see in there?

Bergy: I’m ok

Bergy: Five and Nix managed to free my head and my gauntlet arm

MitchFTW: How are you texting if only one of your arms are free?

Bergy: Speech to text

Bergy: Also I saw nothing but clean

Bergy: Clean

Bergy: Clean

Bergy: Green

Bergy: I was just staring at the big wall of plixels the whole time

Bergy: Couldn’t see anything

Bergy: I just be stuck in place for a bit then I would move a lot and then I would be stuck in place again

Bergy: Gauntlet speech to text sucks

Bergy: I’m going to go back to work de-rezzing myself now now

Me_K.O: can we go over there yet?

Me_K.O: you’ve been at this for like 15 minutes

Haneesh: Still no. Sorry.

Haneesh: The glitch is missing a head and arm but scanners say it’s still active.

Haneesh: It’s probably all going to collapse from missing plixels any minute now.

Haneesh: Hopefully.

MitchFTW: Hurry up over there

MitchFTW: I think I’m going to go insane if I have to watch Miko’s “boredom dance” for any longer

Chapter 8: Miko gets her brain scanned

Chapter Text

Hi_5: @MitchFTW Where are you right now?

MitchFTW: I’m still at the store

MitchFTW: Why?

Hi_5: A glitch we were after just vanished from our scanners.

Hi_5: Like when someone catches it.

MitchFTW: Wasn’t me then

MitchFTW: I’m not even close to where you noobs are

MitchFTW: Maybe it was a Dabney Tech?

Hi_5: We’re nowhere near the town border. Couldn’t be any of them.

The Scorekeeper: So the glitch is just gone?

Hi_5: Gone.

Hi_5: It disappeared off all our scanners and Miko is riding Ally in the sky to see if she can spot it anywhere.

Me_K.O: havet swen anyghing

Me_K.O: sorry hate tog tykp whils ridingbitd

Bergy: Same thing happened to me and Nix a few hours ago.

Bergy: On moment the glitch was on our radar.

Bergy: Next moment it’s gone and we can’t find any proof that it was ever there.

Bergy: No witnesses that needed to be reset either.

Bergy: I think the big scanner HQ uses might be broken or something.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: That could be it.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Only thing is that the maintenance alarm hasn’t gone off yet.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Or at least I thought it was the maintenance alarm.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I’m going to get someone to look into it as soon as possible.

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division) Private Channel: Miko Kubota, Zahra Rashid-

Miko: @Zahra_Rashid I think I’m finally going to stop putting off the whole brain scan thing

Miko: when can I do it?

Zahra: When does your shift end?

Miko: in like an hour

Zahra: Just meet me at HQ once you’re back from patrol then.

Miko: ok

Miko: hey

Miko: I think I have a theory on why I’m immune as well if you’re not busy

Zahra: I’m not busy.

Zahra: Are you?

Miko: me and Five keep getting fake glitch reports so we have nothing going on so far

Miko: so

Miko: remember that glitch at the hinobi smash tournament?

Miko: the one that i remembered and that’s what ended up getting me and Five made into glitch techs

Zahra: Yeah?

Miko: I remember getting grabbed by the glitch and I ended up being thrown into a wall when the reset happened

Miko: I hit my head pretty hard when that happened

Miko: so maybe I got a concussion or something that made me immune to resets?

Zahra: That can’t be it.

Zahra: Because you’re not the first person to be attacked by a glitch or anything like that

Zahra: Like Hinobi has reset the memories of literally every type of person by this point

Zahra: Including people with concussions and brain damage from glitch attacks.

Zahra: and you’re still the only person to ever not reset.

Zahra: Plus

Zahra: I can believe that you got a concussion and that’s how you didn’t reset that one time.

Zahra: It’s completely unheard of and has never happened before but sure, I’ll believe it.

Zahra: But stuff like that heals.

Zahra: So there’s no way a concussion could make you immune to resets for this amount of time.

Zahra: Especially since you’ve been using Hinobi healing support gear. It usually heals that kind of stuff.

Miko: yeah

Miko: so resets affect everything with no exceptions?

Zahra: Everything and everyone.

Zahra: There are dozens of reports of resets working on everyone with any kind of brain or mental thing with a 100% success rate.

Zahra: So you having ADHD shouldn’t affect anything either.

Miko: adhd?

Zahra: Oh nerds do you not have ADHD

Zahra: Miko?

Miko: I don’t know what to say

Miko: I think I know what adhd is

Miko: and I know I have some kind of behavioural thing thanks to my old school

Miko: but I never thought about me having adhd

Miko: I am thinking so hard right now

Miko: I should probably look some of this up

Zahra: yeah probably

Miko: i just

Miko: adhd

Miko: that’s the really hyper one, right?

Zahra: It’s a bit more than that but sure.

Miko: I think I’m going to unpack this later

Miko: I can deal with this brain thing after the first brain thing

Miko: so if I do have adhd it still wouldn’t affect the memory wiper?

Zahra: Nope.

Zahra: it’s been used on countless other people with ADHD and basically every other mental disorder and it has a 100% success rate.

Zahra: You’re the only person in all of Hinobi history to ever be immune to resets.

Miko: what about Five?

Miko: he remembered the Hinobi Smash competition after he saw his wristband

Zahra: That’s different.

Zahra: Resets basically take a little while to stick in someone’s mind.

Zahra: That’s part of why people are so suggestible when they’ve just been reset.

Zahra: So if someone sees or experiences the right things while the reset is still fresh

Zahra: They’ll sometimes remember things.

Miko: so Five saw his wristband a few days after he was reset and he remembered things

Zahra: You telling him things about the competition and random things he might have noticed also probably helped there but yeah pretty much.

Zahra: It doesn’t always work that way though.

Zahra: Nine times out of ten the time resets can’t be undone like that.

Zahra: Hence why everyone was so panicked when you got reset during a mission.

Miko: well that’s all of my theories gone then

Zahra: There’s still technically Mitch’s theory.

Miko: Mitch has a theory?

Miko: oh wait you’re talking about that time we all got stuck playing among us in real life

Miko: I still haven’t forgot that you all voted for me being a glitch

Zahra: Yeah sorry about that.

Zahra: In my defence none of us knew that intelligent glitches were impossible at the time.

Zahra: And you didn’t exactly defend yourself either.

Miko: it’s fine

Miko: so anyways does Mitch still seriously think I’m a glitch?

Zahra: He’s brought it up maybe about twice but he’s definitely not serious about it anymore.

Zahra: Like he believes it purely ironically now.

Miko: so he believes it but not really?

Zahra: Yeah pretty much

Zahra: Anyways that one probably makes the least sense when you actually think about it.

Zahra: I could probably make a full list of why you can’t be a glitch.

Miko: yeah

Miko: I mean

Miko: I don’t look all glitchy

Miko: Hinobi’s scanners say I’m human

Miko: I don’t act like a video game character

Zahra: You also need to eat and sleep.

Miko: also I’ve gotten cuts and nosebleeds and stuff

Miko: like the whole vulture thing a while ago

Miko: so I have blood

Miko: glitches don’t have that

Miko: and I have a heartbeat too

Zahra: Technically Glitches can stop looking glitchy after a while but yeah.

Zahra: you still have so much stuff saying you’re a human.

Miko: plus I think I’d know if I was a glitch

Miko: wait what about my family?

Miko: I’m immune but no one else in my family is so how would any of that work?

Miko: “Oh that’s our second oldest child Miko shes made of code and crawled out of our Hinobi GameCube 16 odd years ago and she’s been a part of our family ever since”

Miko: WAIT ALSO IVE AGED

Miko: GLITCHES DONT DO THAT

Zahra: Yeah.

Zahra: Plus if you were a glitch this entire time you would have gone viral at least a dozen times in your life.

Miko: ???

Zahra: Going viral

Zahra: It’s how glitches make more glitches.

Zahra: The Glitch shoots off a bunch of new root forms that go on to possess more games or if it’s strong enough it just forces a bunch of nearby games to glitch and create their own root forms.

Miko: OH

Miko: LIKE WHAT HAPPENED TO CHOMP KITTY THAT ONE TIME

Zahra: Exactly.

Zahra: Usually it happens if the glitch stays in one solid form for a long time but you can speed up the process by making the glitch more powerful or complex.

Zahra: Point is if you were a glitch you would have created so many new glitches by now.

Zahra: And then there’s the question of what game you would have even came from.

Zahra: Like.

Zahra: You’d need a game character that needs to regularly eat, drink and sleep, can age exactly as fast as a human being and has its own personality all without having any random video gamey bits of base programming that affects how you act.

Zahra: Plus it would need to be a game that has blood where the characters can get injured super realistically and bleed instead of just breaking apart like most glitches.

Zahra: What game has all of that?

Miko: I can think of The Sims for the eating and sleeping part but last time I checked I don’t have a giant green gem floating above my head at all times and can’t speak simglish

Zahra: Plus characters from The Sims age way faster than real humans.

Zahra: In real life time and Sims time.

Miko: plus there’s no blood in The Sims

Zahra: And all of this is ignoring that intelligent glitches can’t exist according to Inspector 7.

Miko: exactly

Miko: so

Miko: that’s all the theories for my brain that I can think of

Zahra: Maybe you’re half glitch somehow?

Miko: I wish

Miko: that would be so cool

Miko: I could be like that one superhero that’s half ghost and fights other ghosts

Zahra: Now I can’t stop imagining you yelling “I’M GOING GLITCH!” or something and then transforming into a video game character.

Miko: IM GOING GLITCH

Miko: im saying that the next time I activate my gauntlet

Zahra: Please do it would be hilarious.

Zahra: See you after your shift.

Miko: yep

Miko: I’m gonna start looking up adhd stuff

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

Me_K.O: i’m getting my brain scanned by Zahra

Me_K.O: so place your bets now

The Scorekeeper: 5 bucks that it’s some really small detail that almost nobody would normally notice

The Scorekeeper: Like one tiny piece of her brain that’s just ever so slightly different enough to change things

Haneesh: Come on Nix that’s way too vague for you to bet on it.

MitchFTW: 5 dollars that it’s anything but what Nix just said

Bergy: I’m with Nix here.

Bergy: Its probably something tiny that no one ever accounted for.

Me_K.O: I was joking about the bets

Me_K.O: have you guys actually been betting on this?

Haneesh: We haven’t actually been making bets.

Haneesh: But we have all been theorizing on why you’re immune to resets.

Me_K.O: ok then

Me_K.O: anyways

Me_K.O: I’m gonna be getting my brain looked at for a while and then we’ll all finally know why I can’t be reset

Me_K.O: see you guys later

Haneesh: @MitchFTW Where are you right now?

MitchFTW: Let me guess, a glitch just disappeared from your radar like someone caught it

MitchFTW: Phil said something is wrong with the big scanner HQ uses and its detecting glitches that aren’t there.

MitchFTW: That’s been happening to everyone all day

MitchFTW: Including me

MitchFTW: I didn’t steal your glitch

Haneesh: Oh

Haneesh: It just seemed like something you’d do.

MitchFTW: I’ve been hearing that one all day

Zahra: YOU’RE NEVER GOING TO BELIEVE IT

Hi_5: You found out why Miko is immune to resets?

Haneesh: Please tell us.

The Scorekeeper: I still have 5 bucks on it being something small and unnoticeable.

Zahra: EVEN FUCKING BETTER

Zahra: WE FOUND ANOTHER THING THAT MIKO’S BRAIN IS IMMUNE TO

Hi_5: Wait

Hi_5: So you’re telling me that Miko’s brain can’t be scanned either?

Zahra: NOPE

Zahra: TWO HOURS DOWN THE DRAIN

MitchFTW: So that means Miko’s brain is immune to resets and can’t be analyzed or scanned

MitchFTW: And the only thing that’s ever actually managed to mess with Miko’s brain is a possessor glitch that immediately got stuck in Miko’s head and died

MitchFTW: Oh wait

MitchFTW: The possessor glitch didn’t actually do anything to her brain

MitchFTW: It just went in got stuck and died

Me_K.O: that poor possessor glitch saw things no mortal was ever meant to see

Bergy: So now what?

Bergy: How do we figure out Miko’s brain if she’s literally immune to the brain scanner?

Me_K.O: alright so I have an idea

Me_K.O: we take a possessor glitch

Me_K.O: strap a bunch of brain scanning stuff to it

Me_K.O: let it into my brain

Me_K.O: and then we pull it out once it’s seen the inside of my brain

MitchFTW: That is one of the worst ideas I’ve ever heard

MitchFTW: Plus I think you forgot that removing a possessor glitch from your brain needs a specialized Hinobi de-possessor that’s been overclocked to 400% and hooked up to a van battery because you’re stupidly resistant to the de-possessor

Hi_5: What about overclocking the brain analyzer thing? The de-possessor worked on Miko at a high enough power.

Zahra: Tried it already.

Zahra: You can’t overclock the brain scanner.

Zahra: Also I found another fun fact about Miko’s reset immunity.

Zahra: it doesn’t matter what strength the memory wiper is at.

Zahra: 50% does nothing. 75% does nothing. A complete clean wipe does nothing.

Zahra: You can completely overclock your gauntlet and plug it into the wall for a total of 500% power in one shot and Miko will still not be affected.

Hi_5: Is that why the power in HQ cut out for a second?

Zahra: On a related note, I’m taking my gauntlet to get repaired now.

-Zahra sent an image-

Hi_5: Oh god.

The Scorekeeper: That isn’t even recognizable as a gauntlet anymore.

Bergy: Where’s the entire palm of the gauntlet?

Haneesh: Zahra were you WEARING that when that happened?!

Zahra: No thank god

Zahra: I knew it would overheat instantly and probably catch fire because of what happened to the de-possessor when Mitch overclocked it to 400% so I took my gauntlet off and activated it remotely.

Zahra: And you know.

Zahra: The memory wiping device exploded, the outer frame of the gauntlet either melted or was blown clean off by the explosion, just about every bit of circuitry and small device inside the gauntlet either melted or evaporated and I have no idea where the gauntlet’s ring finger went.

Me_K.O: it was terrifying

MitchFTW: And that’s why corporate doesn’t tell you about overclocking your tech

-Hinobi Store Management Private Channel: Joan Fishback, Phil Altiere-

Phil: Did any of your techs come into Bailley territory recently?

Phil: Glitches keep being detected by the store’s scanner but then disappear from the scanner like they’ve been caught without a tech being there to do anything.

Phil: I thought it was something with the scanner at first but none of the technicians can find anything wrong with it.

Joan: Funny. I was going to ask you the same thing. The same thing has been happening over here in Dabney for the last few days.

Joan: Also no, my techs haven’t been going anywhere near your territory.

Phil: None of my techs have gone near the town border either.

Joan: Phil

Joan: Just while you’re here, do you know what a Code Red means?

Joan: The alarm went off this morning yelling about a Code Red for a minute before shutting off on its own but we haven’t found anything in the area it detected the glitch in.

Joan: I wasn’t informed of what a Code Red is when I was made the manager of this branch and my helper bot can’t find any information on what it means.

Phil: I’m really not sure but I THINK it’s some kind of maintenance or system failure alarm?

Phil: It’s only ever gone off once for me and the only time it did go off no glitch was ever found.

Phil: But it’s also not going off now when the store scanners are obviously malfunctioning.

Phil: Unless the scanners aren’t malfunctioning and someone unregistered in my system is actually capturing those glitches.

Phil: Like a Dabney tech.

Joan: None of my techs came into your territory.

Phil: I know.

Phil: I just don’t know what else could be taking these glitches.

Joan: Also have you seen Kodama recently?

Joan: He disappeared from my HQ and I can’t find him anywhere.

Joan: Phil?

Joan: Are you there?

Joan: Phil I swear if you somehow stole Kodama back from me.

Joan: PHIL

Joan: ANSWER ME

Chapter 9: Two Mysteries don’t get solved…

Chapter Text

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: @Everyone The “Fake glitch reports” we’ve been having recently may actually be an unidentified person poaching glitches without being registered as a glitch tech.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: So as of now, whoever manages to capture or identify this unregistered glitch poacher gets a large reward of xp.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Also apparently the same thing is happening in Dabney as well so there may be multiple poachers or one person moving between towns.

The Scorekeeper: I’m sorry WHAT.

MitchFTW: I KNEW it

Me_K.O: so you’re telling me that every time one of us went after a glitch and it disappeared off the radar before we got there

Me_K.O: some other person was there and already caught it without us seeing it?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I thought it was a problem with the scanners at first but no.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Technicians and engineers went over every square inch of HQ looking for a problem but everything is working as intended.

MitchFTW: Do you know anything about this guy?

MitchFTW: Anything that could help find them?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Me and Joan don’t know much about this glitch poacher but we do know that they probably have some kind of tech similar to our Tech Gauntlets for catching glitches.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: So they may have some kind of stolen or reverse engineered Hinobi technology on them.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Apart from that I’ve got nothing.

Hi_5: What about patterns or anything like that?

Hi_5: Maybe they only go after glitches of a certain type or level?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Nope.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: They seem to go after glitches at complete random with no particular pattern.

MitchFTW: No matter

MitchFTW: I’m bringing this guy in if it’s the last thing I do

MitchFTW: No one steals glitches from Mitch Williams

Me_K.O: takes a glitch thief to catch a glitch thief

Me_K.O: Mitch

MitchFTW: Shut up

-Messages: Hacker Girl-

Ridley

Hinobi thinks there’s some sort of glitch poacher going around catching glitches illegally all over Bailley and Dabney

There’s a huge reward so I sort of need to know if it’s you

Nope. I can’t even catch glitches because I don’t have a gauntlet so it can’t be me.

I know you made an illegal gauntlet

Don’t lie

The gauntlet doesn’t work yet anyways.

Turns out my model is missing a bunch of important pieces that I need to make from scratch before I have a fully functional gauntlet.

I really wish I knew that gauntlets were like half actual metal and circuitry before I started making one.

These things are surprisingly complicated

But you can still have that modding tech and can still make and mod glitches

Look im not going around stealing glitches or anything.

I don’t even need to do that because I can just make whatever I need.

Nothing complicated or big because the gauntlet isn’t working yet and I need the gauntlet to make Ridleybox 2.0 but still.

Im not the person you’re looking for.

Fine

I believe you

Have you seen anything suspicious then?

Anything that could help me find the actual poacher?

Maybe any other modders you know?

Nope.

If I knew any other Modders I wouldn’t be trying to build my own gauntlet in order to make a new Ridleybox.

Alright

Maybe keep your glitch pet inside for a while then

This glitch poacher is apparently going after anything and everything they can find

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

Hi_5: Hey guess what we found?!

MitchFTW: If you say The Glitch Poacher I swear to god

Hi_5: Nope.

Hi_5: It’s a new Miko thing.

Zahra: New Miko thing?

-Hi_5 sent a video-

Haneesh: What on earth am I looking at.

Hi_5: A game console glitched out and created the Psychic Type gym leader of Flunky Quest.

Hi_5: Who started challenging everyone in sight to a Flunky battle with her team.

Hi_5: Me and Miko took out three of her flunkys but then her Abracadabra managed to hit Miko with one of its attacks.

Hi_5: And it did no damage.

Hi_5: That Abracadabra has just spent the last 5 minutes hitting her with attacks that do no damage and the gym leader keeps telling it to use more useless attacks.

Hi_5: The attacks managed to damage Miko’s gauntlet and basically melt off her armour but it isn’t doing anything to her.

Zahra: Thats weird but not completely unheard of.

Bergy: Has it been using different attacks or just one?

Hi_5: A couple different ones. None of them are doing damage.

Hi_5: I’m going to just walk over there and capture Sabrina and her Abracadabra while they’re busy doing nothing to Miko.

Bergy: Hang on I’m going to look something up.

Hi_5: Done.

Hi_5: Literally just had to walk up to them and snatch them up while they were distracted.

Me_K.O: my gauntlet won’t turn on anymore but they did no damage to me

Me_K.O: didn’t want to pull out my phone in case the psychic beams broke it

Me_K.O: does anyone know what just happened?

Zahra: Yeah this time there’s an actual explanation.

Haneesh: Flunkys assume that everything they encounter uses the same type strengths and weaknesses from their game.

Haneesh: So they analyze everything they see, assign it a type and adjust their damage accordingly.

Haneesh: Same goes for if they’re hit by anything.

Hi_5: So what does that mean for Miko then?

Zahra: No clue.

Zahra: Flunkys give most regular people either normal or fighting type.

Zahra: But they’re also SUPER specific and detailed when assigning types to things so your own tech gear tends to get you entirely different results.

Zahra: You could be fire type because your gauntlet has a bunch of weapons that the Flunky considers fire attacks on it.

Zahra: Or electric type for just having a gauntlet in the first place.

Zahra: Or it could pull some kind of troll logic out of its ass and give you just about any type for any reason you can think of.

Bergy: Sabrina’s Abracadabra only has psychic type moves so dark type Flunkys can’t be damaged by it.

Bergy: Miko is dark type.

Me_K.O: neat

Me_K.O: does that explain anything about my reset immunity or?

Zahra: Nope.

Zahra: Pretty sure a couple other Techs have been classified as Dark Types before.

Haneesh: I’m pretty sure I can see the glitch’s logic here as well.

Hi_5: I’m listening.

Haneesh: Miko is immune to resets.

Haneesh: Resets are considered by Flunkys as a type of psychic attack.

Haneesh: So the glitch looked at Miko and it’s code went: “This entity is immune to this specific psychic type attack > therefore this entity must be immune to all other psychic type attacks > Dark Types are immune to Psychic Types > This entity must be Dark Type”.

Haneesh: So it all just loops back around to you being immune to resets for no explainable reason.

Me_K.O: how would the glitch know about my immunity?

Bergy: Flunkys just tend to know these things.

Bergy: Like they can take one look at you and immediately know every single detail and ability you have on your gauntlet just so they can try to figure out your type.

Bergy: A flunky knowing about Miko’s reset immunity wouldn’t even be that unusual.

Bergy: Also I think Miko might also be normal type.

Hi_5: Why normal type?

Bergy: Possessors are considered Ghost types.

Bergy: Ghost can’t affect Normal.

Me_K.O: makes sense to me

Me_K.O: if possessors are ghosts then what are other glitches?

Zahra: Really depends on the glitch.

Zahra: Flunkys will take everything about the glitch’s form into account.

Zahra: Regular Root Forms are Electric/Ghost though.

Hi_5: I have an idea.

Hi_5: What if we stick Miko in the training room, load up a whole bunch of different games and see what she’s immune to?

Zahra: That could actually be really useful.

Zahra: Because if we can find a single thing that can actually affect Miko’s mind we might be able to use it to figure out how she works.

Me_K.O: im down for it

Haneesh: Meet up with us after you finish your patrol and we’ll get started then.

MitchFTW: Any luck testing Miko’s immunities?

Hi_5: We found a bunch of stuff she’s immune to but nothing that can actually affect her.

Hi_5: Any luck finding that glitch poacher?

MitchFTW: None

MitchFTW: I swear they’re always gone by the time I get there

MitchFTW: Hang on i think I have another lead

Zahra: I don’t think I’ve seen him be this focused on one thing in forever.

Zahra: Besides glitch hunting.

Zahra: It’s probably just the xp reward but still.

Zahra: He’s been at this all day.

The Scorekeeper: So.

The Scorekeeper: What have you guys found out so far?

Hi_5: Miko seems to be immune to most mind controlling or mind reading glitches.

Hi_5: So far she’s been able to hit Psycho Mamba despite him being able to dodge everyone else’s attacks.

Hi_5: We also got a Mesmur from Subnautical to try and hypnotize her and nothing happened.

Hi_5: And the Dream Nail from Holler Knight can’t read her mind.

Me_K.O: we loaded up Jojo asb and got Joseph Joestar to use his “Your next line is” attack on me and I think it broke him

Me_K.O: he just froze in place for like 2 minutes and then the game glitched

Me_K.O: so we had to all fight him

Me_K.O:glitch Joseph died when he tried to use the same attack on me

Me_K.O: he froze in place again and then just collapsed into a root form

The Scorekeeper: I thought Joseph couldn’t read minds?

Zahra: Canon Joseph Joestar can’t.

Zahra: Video game Joseph can because his “your next line” attack needs to work somehow and mind reading is somehow the easiest way to do that.

Zahra: We also loaded up the Heimdall fight from Gods Of War and it was just like Psycho Mamba.

Zahra: Miko just skipped the part of the battle where he reads your mind to dodge attacks and decked him instantly.

Bergy: We also tested out a couple other Flunkys.

Bergy: Miko is 100% Dark type but isn’t Normal type like I thought before.

Me_K.O: maybe I’m fighting type or just pure dark?

Bergy: Probably.

Hi_5: Here’s a weird one.

Hi_5: Miko is immune to a few different abilities in Psychonauts.

Hi_5: Not all of them.

Hi_5: Just the ones that directly affect your mind.

Hi_5: So the Clairvoyance ability doesn’t work, Confusion doesn’t do anything and she can see people using the Invisibility power.

The Scorekeeper: Miko can see invisible things?

Me_K.O: not usually

Me_K.O: i’ve never been able to see an invisible glitch before

Me_K.O: i think it’s because invisibility in psychonauts is “using psychic powers to make everyone ignore you or think you’re invisible” and not actually turning invisible

Hi_5: But here’s the weird one:

Hi_5: Miko is immune to the Door Portals in Psychonauts.

Hi_5: As in the way you enter other characters minds.

Hi_5: Where all the levels are.

Hi_5: They can’t be used on her and she can’t use them.

Haneesh: So if you find a Mapper glitch of Psychonauts make sure Miko doesn’t enter it or she’ll be stuck there unable to play the game or beat the glitch.

The Scorekeeper: I’ll keep that in mind.

MitchFTW: I think I’m going insane

MitchFTW: Every time I check a spot where this poacher might have been there’s nothing there

MitchFTW: But there’s always evidence that they were there

MitchFTW: Signs of glitch damage and all that

MitchFTW: Never any witnesses

MitchFTW: I keep seeing this red worm thing in the corner of my eye but when I turn around there’s nothing there

Hi_5: It sounds like you need to take a break from hunting for this guy.

Zahra: I’m with Five. You’ve been obsessing over this since the bounty was posted this morning.

Haneesh: You skipped out on several boss glitches.

Haneesh: You NEVER do that.

Me_K.O: you barely even let us catch our own glitches let alone miss the glitches in your own area

MitchFTW: You guys don’t understand

MitchFTW: The reward for bringing this guy in is worth more than enough to cover what I’ve missed today

MitchFTW: Plus

The Scorekeeper: We get it you’ve salty that this guy probably stole your boss glitch a few days ago

MitchFTW: And a few others after that

Zahra: Just come back to base for a bit

Zahra: I think once you start hallucinating you sort of need to take a break

MitchFTW: Just a few more checks in this area

MitchFTW: I swear I’m getting closer

-MitchFTW sent an image-

[Image Transcript: A very, very blurry picture of a Red Overseer from Rain World]

MitchFTW: ITS REAL

MitchFTW: NOT A HALLUCINATION

MitchFTW: I SWEAR IM GETTING CLOSER TO FINDING THIS GUY

Zahra: Mitch

Zahra: It’s 10 PM

Zahra: Your shift has been over for like an hour now

Zahra: We’re closing down the store and getting the night shift ready

Zahra: Just come back to HQ

The Scorekeeper: Is that an Overseer?

MitchFTW: glowing red floating worm thing that moves really fast and sometimes shows nonsense holograms

The Scorekeeper: Yeah that sounds like an Overseer.

MitchFTW: what do they do?

The Scorekeeper: They’re basically floating tutorials.

The Scorekeeper: They watch stuff and point out threats and the way to go.

The Scorekeeper: Completely harmless.

The Scorekeeper: Given how those things work it’s probably been following you around because it pinged you as the player character.

MitchFTW: FUCK

MitchFTW: I’ve been following a red herring this entire time

Zahra: You were chasing that thing around?

MitchFTW: for the last 20 minutes

MitchFTW: I figured that since I saw it at most of the areas I was investigating it would somehow lead me to the poacher

MitchFTW: I’m so tired right now

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Mitch we’re going to need you to bring your van back to HQ and head home.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: You spent your entire shift and then some combing through all of Balliey looking for this poacher so Zahra took your spot on the night shift for tonight.

MitchFTW: I could probably still work the night shift

MitchFTW: Would let me search around more

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Unless you want me to put BITT in your Tech Van again you’re going to come back to the store and be done for the day.

MitchFTW: On my way back boss

-Messages: Hacker Girl-

Mitch

Mitch

Mitch

Mitch please

Mitch pick up

Ridley it’s 2 am

What do you want

it’s Horn

She’s gone

What do you mean she’s gone?

Something woke me up in the middle of the night and I noticed that Horn wasn’t anywhere in my room

My parents are out until tomorrow morning so I never stuck her in her container or anything

I searched the whole house for her and found nothing

Then I’m notified that the motion detector in our backyard went off and I check it and I see this

[Video File]

-Video File-

-Security Camera Footage-

-Location: Ridley’s Backyard-

-Time: 12:04 AM-

*It’s extremely dark outside. There’s a porch light above Ridley’s back door providing some light to the immediate area around her back door but anything beyond that point is practically pitch black.*

*Horn wanders into frame of the camera, staying in the light provided by the porch light. She appears to be eyeing something in the darkness, growling at it.*

*In the darkness, a white orb appears. It glows very faintly, enough to stand out while not providing any real light to its surroundings. Horn immediately starts staring at it intently.*

*Horn appears somewhat conflicted. She looks away from the orb, then back towards it, then looking away from the orb, then going right back to staring at it. She does this for several seconds, sometimes taking a step towards the orb only to look away and step back again.*

*Finally, Horn stares directly at the orb at runs straight towards it, running straight into the darkness, her form faintly glowing purple in the darkness, once again enough to stand out while not providing any real light to its surroundings*

*Horn eats the orb with a single chomp and lets out a satisfied Meow.*

*Suddenly, a single red light appears in the darkness just in front of and slightly above Horn, looking down at her. Horn sees this and quickly turns back to begin running back towards the door.*

*It’s hard to tell in the darkness, but something swiftly reaches out and grabs Horn. With a single motion, Horn’s form disappears as the thing pulls a green root form straight out of Horn’s body, the light from the root form revealing a single metal hand holding it.*

*Horn’s root form disappears, leaving only a faint red light in the darkness. The light appears to move, now looking directly at the camera.*

*The camera’s image gets more and more distorted and staticky until*

-Connection Lost-

holy shit

I think that’s the poacher

It just cut out like that?

That’s not all

The whole thing was super corrupted and half deleted when I tried looking at the files

Luckily I have the skills to de-corrupt them but still

That guy took Horn

How did they even do that?

I thought modded glitches couldn’t be hurt by tech gauntlets

They can’t be hurt by MOST gauntlet weaponry

Some stuff in there still works just fine and my own gauntlet has a couple “anti-hack” weapons in it that work extremely well on modded glitches

Plus you have things like glitch items that can hurt any glitch regardless of modifications and stuff like that

All glitches can also be taken out without plixel based weaponry. It’s just hard to do

And I think that might have been what happened to your pet

I’m still thinking about how they got Horn within range of them

They used Chomp Kitty’s base programming to lure her in with a pellet

I thought Horn was all modified to remove that stuff

Not all of it

Just the more dangerous stuff

I didn’t expect anyone to be able to use her programming against her or anything like that

I just

Horn

What do I do Mitch?

I don’t know

I spent all day searching for this creep and I found nothing

They obviously have some kind of plixel technology or knock off Hinobi tech but I don’t know what to do with that information

Whatever they’re using it’s hiding from our scanners though

WAIT

ALSO

My Plixel detector I built went off as well

The timer says it detected something right around when the security camera stopped working

And it can detect specific plixel signatures

Hang on

[Data File]

Let me see that

This is complete nonsense

???

It’s a bunch of random glitch signatures all mushed together

Most of them are missing huge pieces or are almost entirely corrupted

And none of it is usable to track this guy

How?

It’s a plixel signature that probably belongs to this guy’s equipment

They’re all plixel signatures that regular entity glitches give off.

All this would track is basically every entity glitch in an area at once

The single most common type of glitch

There’s no plixel signatures of useful stuff like Hinobi equipment or companion pets or anything that would have a unique signature.

Wait

What if this is tracking the Poacher’s glitch containment or whatever they use to hold glitches?

That would explain the huge amount of slightly different entity glitches all in once place

How does this help though? We still cant track it because the signatures are too common and broad

Horn was taken by the Poacher

Horn was modded by me

So if we’re tracking the poacher’s glitch storage

Horn should have a unique plixel signature that we can single out and track

I can get a tracker made for Horn’s plixel signature but it’ll take a little bit

Root forms are way harder to detect and track than full glitches

I know

They give off a traceable signal when they’re first created, when they create a form and when that form is completely destroyed but they’re damn near impossible to detect in between those moments

I’ll have the tracker made by tomorrow and I’ll send it to you

Just promise me you’ll bring Horn back to me

I can’t make a new Horn with Ridleybox 2.0 still being made

This Horn is all I have

I’ll try my best but I can’t promise anything

Modified glitches tend to be extremely unstable in their root forms

Horn is seriously in danger of falling apart here

I know

This Horn isn’t my first attempt

Most of the previous Horns collapsed because their essential files got corrupted or removed while I was making them

Just please

Go save Horn

Chapter 10: Achievements, ████████, Codes, Hacking, Miko’s Hammer and More!

Chapter Text

Hi_5: Does anyone here know what a glitch classified as a virus does?

BITT [Administrator]: @Hi_5 A Glitch with the Virus Subtype can infect other plixel objects and entities and transform them into copies of itself.

Zahra: Yeah that sums it up pretty well.

Me_K.O: so it just turns other glitches into more of itself?

BITT [Administrator]: @Me_K.O Correct!

Zahra: Don’t forget that your Gauntlets are also about half plixel construct.

Zahra: Those things can seriously damage them.

Haneesh: Companion Pets and objects made by your gauntlets too.

Haneesh: So don’t let it get too close to you or any of your things.

Hi_5: We’ll keep that in mind.

The Scorekeeper: This weather sucks so much.

Haneesh: What happened?

The Scorekeeper: Water Type Flunky

The Scorekeeper: In this absolute downpour

The Scorekeeper: I’m completely soaked and I don’t know if it’s from the rain or the weather boosted hydro pump I just took straight to the face

Zahra: Do you need healing?

Zahra: I’ve seen hydro pumps do a lot of damage Nix do you need healing?

The Scorekeeper: I’m good.

The Scorekeeper: Bergy has more healing items than god stored in his gauntlet so I’m just letting him do his thing.

Bergy: He looks like soaking wet garbage right now but I think he’s fully healed

The Scorekeeper: Thanks for that Bergy

The Scorekeeper: Definitely don’t feel insulted by that at all

Zahra: Just keep in mind that healing items are meant to be temporary fixes and meet up with me later then.

Hi_5: We caught the glitch without it infecting anything and we got an achievement for it.

The Scorekeeper: Antivirus?

Hi_5: That’s the one.

The Scorekeeper: I got the same achievement about a year ago

Zahra: How many achievements does the Hinobi database even have?

The Scorekeeper: Too many.

The Scorekeeper: When I first joined I made it my mission to try and collect every achievement.

The Scorekeeper: Gave up after about a year when I realized just how many there were.

The Scorekeeper: And don’t even get me started on the secret achievements.

Hi_5: Secret achievements?

The Scorekeeper: Yeah the achievements that you aren’t told how to achieve until after you get them.

The Scorekeeper: Just the names of the achievements and sometimes a riddle if you’re lucky.

The Scorekeeper: Like what the hell is Silent Bond and how do I get it?

Zahra: Hang on I have that achievement.

The Scorekeeper: Zahra how do you get the Silent Bond achievement?

The Scorekeeper: Please tell me

Zahra: It doesn’t say how I got it.

Zahra: Just that I did somehow.

The Scorekeeper: Dammit.

Me_K.O: there are so many glitches being detected right now.

Me_K.O: it’s insane.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: That’s just what rainy days like this are like.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Everyone’s inside playing Hinobi games because of the weather.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Which means a lot of games are glitching.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Just be thankful it’s not a thunderstorm or anything like that because blackouts and power surges make even more consoles glitch.

Haneesh: A glitch just vanished off the radar.

Haneesh: So the Poacher is still here.

Haneesh: Either that or Mitch is back to killstealing.

Hi_5: Where is Mitch anyways?

Hi_5: I haven’t seen him all morning.

Zahra: Either hunting for glitches or searching for that poacher.

Zahra: Given how many glitches there are right now he’s probably glitch hunting.

Zahra: There’s no way he’d miss out on this.

-Messages: Hacker Girl-

[Data File]

Here you go

I’m like 90% sure this works.

Just download it into your gauntlet

90% sure?

I don’t know

It worked for a bit

Then it just suddenly stopped detecting anything for like 10 minutes

And now it’s tracking Horn’s signal again.

No idea why it broke or what fixed it.

Just know it works for now.

Have you slept?

Like at all since you last texted me?

No

Alright

I’ll let you know how it goes

Holy nerds it’s actually working

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

MitchFTW: I THINK I FINALLY FOUND THE POACHER

Zahra: I stand corrected.

MitchFTW: I’m close I know it

The Scorekeeper: How do you know you’re not just chasing a random glitch Mitch?

MitchFTW: I have a thing that’s tracking them

MitchFTW: They’re moving very quickly through town but they can’t hide this time

Hi_5: How are you tracking them?

MitchFTW: I know a guy

MitchFTW: They coded a thing for me

Haneesh: Who?

MitchFTW: You wouldn’t know them

MitchFTW: They’re in another division outside Balliey

MitchFTW: And they specialize in modifying stuff like this

MitchFTW: they knew how to mess with scanners

MitchFTW: So I called them up and gave them all the data I’ve found so far and they made a thing to try and track them

Haneesh: But you don’t have any data.

Zahra: You spent the better part of yesterday chasing a glitch that had nothing to do with the poacher

MitchFTW: WRONG

MitchFTW: I have ONE piece of data

-MitchFTW shared a file-

MitchFTW: It’s a glitch signature that’s completely scrambled and all over the place because I’m pretty sure it belongs to this creep’s containment device

Zahra: You’re right about one thing.

Zahra: This signature IS completely scrambled.

Zahra: Like I have no idea how it’s even possible to make it look this scrambled.

Zahra: Completely unusable.

Zahra: But right now you’re tracking some guy through a rainstorm using the single most scuffed glitch signature I’ve ever seen with a piece of tech built in like an day at most.

Bergy: That signature is messed up so badly.

Bergy: That’s like 8 different signatures for common entity glitches all merged together.

Bergy: All of them are highly unstable and corrupted.

Bergy: Are you sure that whatever you used to record these signatures was working properly?

MitchFTW: YES

MitchFTW: LOOK

-MitchFTW sent an image -

MitchFTW: I’m tracking something

MitchFTW: And its not a regular entity glitch

MitchFTW: It’s moving incredibly fast through town through

The Scorekeeper: Probably because you’re tracking a regular glitch with a signature that matches 1 of the 8 mashed together signatures you’re tracking!

MitchFTW: No

MitchFTW: Its the Poacher

MitchFTW: I just know it

MitchFTW: It stopped

Hi_5: The tracker stopped working?

MitchFTW: No the poacher stopped moving

MitchFTW: And they’re in a spot with another actual glitch

MitchFTW: I could catch them in the act

MitchFTW: Be back in a minute

-Gauntlet Video Recording: MitchFTW-

-Location: Streets of Bailley-

*Mitch’s van comes to a stop outside of an alleyway. With the harsh rain and dark clouds, it’s almost difficult to see inside of it.*

*Inside his van, Mitch looks at his gauntlet screen. On it, there’s a map tracking a single entity. The gauntlet’s map currently points to inside the alleyway.*

*Mitch looks up from his gauntlet and stares into the alley for several seconds.*

*Mitch pinches the bridge of his nose.*

Mitch, under his breath: Of course… Why wouldn’t this guy be in an abandoned alley? Just why?

*Mitch exits his van, readies his gauntlet and enters the alley.*

*In the alley, there’s noticeably less rain, with the buildings on either side providing some protection from the elements, but it’s also a bit darker and harder to see for the same reasons, with the buildings blocking light. The alleyway goes straight forward for about 40 feet before hitting a sharp left turn as it curves around one of the buildings.*

*Mitch carefully makes his way down the alleyway, pointing his gauntlet at just about everything as he heads down it. Trash cans, garbage blowing in the wind, a stray cat, he points his gauntlet at anything and everything like he’s expecting the poacher to jump out at any second, but nothing happens.*

*Mitch reaches the end of the alleyway and carefully looks around the corner. Around the corner, he sees something.*

*At the end of the Alley, a large figure, slightly obscured by shadow, can be seen hunched and heavily bent over something on the ground, with its back turned to Mitch.*

*Mitch quietly steps closer and gets a better view of the figure. They’re not human. They’re robotic. The robot is vaguely humanoid in appearance, although unnaturally thin and lanky, almost skeletal in some spots, all coloured a simple metallic grey with red stripes on various parts of its body. Its head is difficult to see at this angle, currently pointed downwards and staring at something on the ground. The entire entity is also surrounded by a dim red light.*

*The figure lifts up the thing it’s observing with both hands, revealing a large, bone white mask that occasionally glitches as it’s held. The mask is slightly illuminated by a red light that appears to be coming from the robot’s head, and is also surrounded by that same dim red glow that surrounds the figure as a whole.*

*Mitch begins charging up his gauntlet and aims at the figure.*

Mitch: HEY!

*The figure ignores Mitch and stares at the King Vulture Mask for a few seconds, before snapping it in half. The mask crumbles into plixels to reveal a green root form, which is forcibly pulled up into the red light coming from the figure’s head and disappears.*

Mitch: HEY YOU!

*The figure turns around and looks in Mitch’s direction, revealing a head that’s almost cylindrical in shape, resembling a security camera in appearance, with a single red light in the middle appearing to serve as its eye. Sprouting from each side of its head are two long, upward-facing, metallic horns. All of this is visible for about a second before Mitch shoots the thing really hard with a massive blast from his gauntlet.*

*The figure completely vanishes for several seconds, before it appears again in the exact same spot in a flicker of red light, once again hunched over and observing a Vulture Mask that has also reappeared on the ground. It completely ignores Mitch’s presence.*

Mitch, very confused: What the…

*Mitch slowly walks up to the figure and attempts to touch it. His hand immediately phases through the entity and the entire thing disappears.*

*Mitch takes a step back and looks around, pointing his gauntlet at anything and everything nearby until a Red Overseer zips right past his head. The Overseer observes Mitch for a few moments before looking at the spot where the entity was standing and projecting a perfect hologram of it.*

Mitch: It’s a hologram?

*Mitch checks his gauntlet. The screen reveals that the thing he’s tracking should be right at this exact location. Mitch raises his gauntlet and scans the Overseer. His gauntlet detects the exact signature he’s been tracking this entire time coming from it.*

Mitch, under his breath: Fuck…

Mitch: Welp. You aren’t the person I’m looking for.

*Mitch readies his gauntlet.*

Mitch: But you definitely belong to them.

*Mitch aims his gauntlet at the Overseer and shoots at it, but it easily dodges the shot. Mitch tries again, and again, but each time the Overseer simply dodges out of the way.*

*Suddenly, the Overseer projects several other images in rapid succession, directly in front of Mitch’s face. A picture of the Hinobi logo, a picture of him, a picture of Ridley, another picture of the Hinobi logo, several pictures of Tech Gauntlets and a picture of the Furious Four all flash by so quickly that Mitch barely has time process them before the Overseer lands on a single picture that stays. It’s a photo of an 8 bit chess game, already in the middle of play. The black king is in checkmate.*

*In the shadows directly behind Mitch, the silhouette of a tall robotic figure, easily around Phil’s height, becomes visible. A single red light in the middle of the figure’s head powers on.*

-Remaining footage has been corrupted or lost-

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

Bergy: Oh yeah Miko how’s your new hammer?

Bergy: I haven’t seen you actually use it since you got it.

Me_K.O: it’s cool but super hard to use

Me_K.O: it’s really big and way heavier than I thought it would be

Me_K.O: like MK 10 holds it in two hands and throws it around like it’s nothing

Me_K.O: but like

Me_K.O: hang on a sec

-Hi_5 sent an image-

Me_K.O: it’s like two feet taller than me

Me_K.O: so it’s really hard to swing around or throw if you’re not MK 10 sized

Me_K.O: thanks Five by the way

Hi_5: No problem.

Me_K.O: also it turns out that this hammer can do a bunch of the things MK 10 can do like summon lightning and come back to you after you throw it

Me_K.O: but I can’t figure out how to do it

Haneesh: How so?

Me_K.O: i’ve made it shoot lightning a couple times but I can’t figure out how I’m doing it

Me_K.O: and I managed to throw it and make it come back once

Me_K.O: it’s hard to throw because it’s so big and I have no idea how I made it come back that one time

Me_K.O: there’s no buttons or switches or anything on the hammer and my gauntlet can’t really do anything to control it so I have no idea what I’m doing

Me_K.O: it’s just a big metal hammer with a bunch of super high tech looking rockets strapped to it and it just sort of does what it wants I guess

Hi_5: Also we figured out that MK-10’s hammer has slight homing when it’s thrown.

Haneesh: I KNEW IT

Haneesh: I KNEW THAT HAMMER ALWAYS HIT YOU FOR A REASON

Me_K.O: I need to throw it like that olympic hammer throwing sport because it’s so big and hard to use

Me_K.O: meanwhile MK 10 just chucks it at you with one hand even though the hammer is basically the same size as her

Me_K.O: it’s not fair

Haneesh: That’s video game physics for you.

MitchFTW: HELP

MitchFTW: POACHER

MitchFTW: SEND BACUP

MitchFTW: NOW

Me_K.O: Mitch?!

Zahra: Hang on

Zahra: Five and Miko it says you’re close to where Mitch’s gauntlet is

Zahra: Sending you his location now

Hi_5: We’ll get there as fast as we can

Me_K.O: we’re coming Mitch!

-Messages: Mitch Techs-

The tracker stopped working.

Ridley.

Mitch?

Did you find the poacher?

Is Horn ok?

Ridley Croft.

Mitch?

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-Connection Lost-

Hi_5: Mitch?

Hi_5: We’re here.

Hi_5: You ok?

Me_K.O: Mitch?

MitchFTW: What?

MitchFTW: Why are you noobs here?

MitchFTW: This is my patrol area

Hi_5: ???

Me_K.O: Mitch you called for backup because of that glitch poacher

MitchFTW: I haven’t found the Glitch poacher yet

MitchFTW: And if I did I wouldn’t be requesting backup

Zahra: Mitch we were all there when you sent the messages

Zahra: Just check the group chat and you’ll see it

MitchFTW: Where’s my gauntlet?

Hi_5: Your gauntlet?

MitchFTW: It was just on my arm and now it’s gone

MitchFTW: My tech visor’s gone too

MitchFTW: Nevermind tech visor is just broken

MitchFTW: Hang on I’m checking the group chat

Hi_5: Did you get reset?

MitchFTW: I don’t remember writing any of that

MitchFTW: Hang on I’m gonna grab some backup stuff from my van

Zahra: @BITT [Administrator] Can you track Mitch’s gauntlet signature?

BITT [Administrator]: @Zahra Mitch Williams cannot be found. Here is his last known location (5 minutes ago):

-BITT [Administrator] shared a map location-

Hi_5: That’s the alley Mitch was just in.

MitchFTW: Ok

MitchFTW: Status report

MitchFTW: My gauntlet is just straight up gone

MitchFTW: My visor is broken

MitchFTW: Everything hurts but my jaw really hurts

MitchFTW: Wait hang on I think I’m missing a tooth as well

Zahra: That’s it I’m coming over there.

MitchFTW: I’m soaking wet from the rain

MitchFTW: And I definitely got reset

Hi_5: You can’t remember anything?

MitchFTW: Nothing that happened in there

MitchFTW: I remember pulling up and getting out of my van and then I’m immediately standing alone in the alley with no gauntlet

Zahra: Try doing something to help you remember.

Zahra: Just anything before the reset sticks.

MitchFTW: I’m going back into that alley with a backup gauntlet to see if I can remember anything

MitchFTW: Maybe I’ll find my actual gauntlet in there or something as well

Hi_5: I’ll go in with you.

Hi_5: Just to double check if anything was left behind.

Me_K.O: i’ll stay with the vans in case something happens

Haneesh: Found anything?

Hi_5: Nothing.

Hi_5: No gauntlet, no signs of the Poacher, nothing.

MitchFTW: I’m feeling some deja vu but I’m not remembering anything.

MitchFTW: WAIT NO SOMETHING JUST CAME BACK TO ME

Me_K.O: you remember everything?

MitchFTW: No

MitchFTW: It’s still super blurry and hard to remember but i remember tiny bits and pieces of it

Zahra: What happened then?

MitchFTW: Ok

MitchFTW: I went into this alley looking for the poacher

MitchFTW: and I think I found them

MitchFTW: Then everything is a massive blur that I can barely remember but I think there was a fight and the guy probably pulled off my gauntlet and used it to reset me

MitchFTW: I clearly remember being decked in the jaw really hard as well

MitchFTW: So that explains the massive pain in my jaw

Haneesh: Do you remember what the poacher looked like?

MitchFTW: Not really

MitchFTW: I think I remember them wearing some kind of mask or helmet though

Hi_5: Mask?

Haneesh: Helmet?

MitchFTW: Yeah it’s all super foggy but I’m pretty sure they were wearing some kind of metal helmet thing with a big red light on the front where the face normally is

Haneesh: Like Nameless’s helmet with a red light instead of a digital face?

Haneesh: Or like a flashlight attached to a helmet?

MitchFTW: I don’t know

MitchFTW: I can barely remember any of it

MitchFTW: The helmet had some kind of radio antennae on the sides as well I think

MitchFTW: Or something

MitchFTW: I just can’t remember

MitchFTW: It’s all blurry and I’m giving myself a headache trying to remember stuff but nothing is happening

MitchFTW: Five is this what it was like after I reset your memory of the Hinobi Smash Competition?

MitchFTW: Because I am sorry if this is what it was like

Hi_5: No I remembered everything in one big burst.

Hi_5: I think I just got really lucky when remembering stuff.

MitchFTW: Wait here’s another thing I kind of remember

MitchFTW: I remember all these bits and pieces of a fight

MitchFTW: I remember being decked in the jaw

MitchFTW: I remember my visor getting broken

MitchFTW: I remember my gauntlet being pulled off of me

MitchFTW: And then there’s a couple disjointed things in there as well that I sort of remember but it’s all super blurry and I can’t really tell what’s going on

MitchFTW: But i don’t know if it’s the reset making everything blurry and impossible to remember or what but I don’t think I landed a single hit on this guy

MitchFTW: So they probably know what they’re doing when it comes to fighting

Zahra: Makes sense.

Zahra: They’ve been fighting all sorts of glitches for days now and keep capturing them and escaping before any of us even get there.

MitchFTW: I think I need to sit down for a minute

MitchFTW: Shit actually I should brick my missing gauntlet right now

MitchFTW: Hang on

Me_K.O: bricking your gauntlet?

Haneesh: If a gauntlet ever gets stolen or lost you’re able to remotely brick it and stop it from ever working again.

Haneesh: So if someone steals it they can’t use any of its features, take any of the data or even turn it on.

Zahra: It’s supposed to be a last resort because it permanently ruins the gauntlet and you need to get a new one from management.

MitchFTW: Unless you’re me and have enough xp to purchase a few backup gauntlets and store them in your tech van

MitchFTW: One of which is still damaged because SOMEONE stole it from my van and fought an arcade full of glitches that THEY helped make

Me_K.O: oops

Hi_5: Hey speaking of the whole Hinobi Smash incident why was BITT in your van that time?

Hi_5: I’ve literally never seen him be taken out of HQ like that.

MitchFTW: I’m not talking about that

The Scorekeeper: He got in trouble from Phil and had to keep BITT in his van for a few days to keep an eye on him.

The Scorekeeper: It was a whole thing.

MitchFTW: ENOUGH

MitchFTW: NO MORE TALKING ABOUT THAT

The Scorekeeper: Alright fine.

The Scorekeeper: Jeez.

MitchFTW: Anyways my gauntlet has officially been bricked now

MitchFTW: Apparently the actual plixel parts of the gauntlet should evaporate in like 10 minutes

MitchFTW: So whoever stole it now just has a useless piece of metal

Bergy: What about your whole tracking setup?

Bergy: Is it still working?

MitchFTW: Let me check

MitchFTW: No

MitchFTW: It’s not detecting any signatures anymore

MitchFTW: Fuck

MitchFTW: I’m going to need to explain what happened to my tech guy as well

The Scorekeeper: You’ll also need to explain what happened with your gauntlet to Phil

MitchFTW: That’s probably worse

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Don’t worry about that.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I’ve been watching the chat ever since Mitch called for help.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: You all seem to forget that I’m a part of this group chat as well.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Also Mitch you will need to see me once your shift ends for some questions about your gauntlet and whatever you remember.

MitchFTW: I sort of figured

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Just come back to HQ and get yourself healed.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Actual healing.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Not healing items or portable support equipment.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Actual stationary healing equipment in our actual medical bay.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I’m going to send another message to corporate to try and get them to send someone in here to deal with the poacher.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: They’ll probably take it more seriously now that a tech has been injured.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Probably.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Dealing with the ghouls up in corporate is seriously like talking to a brick wall half the time.

MitchFTW: On it.

-Messages: Hacker Girl-

The tracker stopped working.

Mitch?

Did you find the poacher?

Is Horn ok?

Mitch?

-Hacker Girl Disconnected-

[Not Delivered] Ridley something bad happened

[Not Delivered] The tracker worked and I found the poacher

[Not Delivered] But then they beat the shit out of me in an alley and stole my gauntlet

[Not Delivered] Now the tracker stopped working as well so I have no idea where this guy is

[Not Delivered] Im being patched up at HQ now

[Not Delivered] Ridley?

[Not Delivered] Why aren’t these going through?

[Not Delivered] Actually your phone’s probably out of battery or you’re asleep

[Not Delivered] I’ll text you this later

Chapter 11: Orientation Film

Chapter Text

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Has anyone here messed with the equipment in the simulation room?

The Scorekeeper: Not me.

Me_K.O: nope

Hi_5: No.

MitchFTW: Nope

Zahra: Nope.

Haneesh: Wasn’t me.

Bergy: We used it to test Miko’s immunity with a bunch of games the other day but apart from that no.

Hi_5: What happened?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Someone messed with the tutorial and now it’s running at 5000% speed.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: The whole thing underwent maintenance about a month ago so this is definitely intentional.

Hi_5: Oh

Hi_5: Actually I think that might have been Ridley.

Me_K.O: that explains how they went through the tutorial so fast

The Scorekeeper: Ridley as in the tech you two recommended that almost blew up HQ?

Hi_5: Yeah that Ridley.

Me_K.O: oops

MitchFTW: She wasn’t so bad

MitchFTW: Really good at modding stuff

MitchFTW: Had a lot of potential

Haneesh: Why are you checking out the tutorial?

Haneesh: Is there another newbie joining us?

Me_K.O: WAIT IS THERE THAT WOULD BE SO COOL

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: No.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Corporate actually responded to my requests for help on the whole poacher situation (presumably because a tech has actually been hurt now) and they’re sending someone on Friday to deal with the problem.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Now this person will definitely be very high up on the corporate ladder.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: We’re talking around that of a Hinobi Inspector.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Meaning they could fire me and this entire division with a wave of their hand.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: So to avoid another close call like the last time we got inspected here I’m searching HQ top to bottom to fix anything and everything that I can find.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: This also means on Friday you’re all going to need to be on your absolute best behaviour.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I’m not having a repeat of last inspection.

Zahra: We were on our best behaviour last inspection.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: You, Haneesh, Mitch and Simi were on your best behaviour because you weren’t in the building when Barbara was here.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Miko and Five released a glitch from deep containment that attacked the inspector.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I had to keep kiting her away from where Bergy’s locker is to hide his black market of glitch items.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: And Nix managed to get his hand stuck in one of the vending machines and almost brought the whole thing down on top of him in front of the inspector.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Luckily Barbara chalked that one up to “user error” instead of giving us a strike.

The Scorekeeper: I paid for my chips so I was going to get my chips.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Anyways you have just under a week to get yourselves under control and not destroy anything while I review everything in HQ.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: And the simulation room is closed for the next hour or so while I fix it.

MitchFTW: Make sure the orientation film is also working properly

MitchFTW: Ridley might have sped that up too

Me_K.O: orientation film?

Hi_5: What orientation film?

MitchFTW: You know

MitchFTW: The orientation film

MitchFTW: The movie they show you before you go through the tutorial

Zahra: What are you talking about?

Zahra: There is no orientation film.

MitchFTW: Yeah there is

MitchFTW: It’s really old and cringey

MitchFTW: Somehow just as bad as the tutorial but in its own unique way

MitchFTW: Nix back me up here you know what I’m talking about

The Scorekeeper: Yeah the orientation film.

The Scorekeeper: Me, Mitch and Simi all had to sit down in one of the offices and watch it when we first joined.

Bergy: I’ve never heard of it.

Haneesh: I have no idea what you two are talking about.

MitchFTW: So none of you had to watch the orientation film?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: That abomination was retired a few years ago. Corporate thought it was outdated and never made a replacement for it.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I think your group might have been one of the last groups we showed it to.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: In all honesty it was completely outdated. I remember having to watch it all the way back when I joined the company.

Me_K.O: When did you join Hinobi?

Me_K.O: How old is this thing?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: A long time ago.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Maybe about 22 or so years ago.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Just as a reference, Hinobi had only been selling video games for about 4 years at that time.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: And the orientation film already existed and had been shown to new employees for a few years when I joined. So it predates my time working here by a few years.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: That stupid movie is older than all of you and probably predates half the tech in your gauntlets.

The Scorekeeper: Do you still have a copy of the orientation film stored somewhere?

The Scorekeeper: I have an idea.

MitchFTW: If you destroyed it I completely understand and thank you

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: I think it might still be somewhere in storage.

The Scorekeeper: Great news everyone!

The Scorekeeper: We’re watching a movie today!

The Scorekeeper: Can we do that Phil?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: As long as you don’t destroy anything and leave before the store closes I’m fine with it.

The Scorekeeper: Thanks

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: You’ll also need to find the VHS player. It should be in either storage room C or D.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: The player should be able to be hooked up to any of the screens in HQ as long as it has a port somewhere so don’t worry about that.

Me_K.O: vhs player?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: The entire film is kept on a single vhs tape.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: We never bothered to move it to a disk or any more modern digital files.

Me_K.O: oh no

-The Scorekeeper sent an image-

The Scorekeeper: I found it.

The Scorekeeper: Storage Room E.

MitchFTW: Nix i hope you know that I’ve never felt more dread than I do in this exact moment

Bergy: Is that it?

The Scorekeeper: “Hinobi Orientation Film 1974”

Zahra: Wait 1974?

Zahra: I think Ping came out in 1972 was this thing made when Hinobi was two years old?

BITT [Administrator]: @Zahra Fun Fact: Hinobi being founded in 1972 is actually a common misconception! Hinobi began production of video games in 1972 with Ping as its first product, but Hinobi as a tech company has existed since 1969.

Zahra: Ok?

Zahra: Still means that this orientation film was made two years after the literal invention of video games.

Zahra: Glitches probably only existed for like two years before this thing was made.

Hi_5: What’s the orientation film like anyways?

Hi_5: Can’t be that bad.

MitchFTW: Oh it’s bad

The Scorekeeper: Oh it is so bad.

MitchFTW: Imagine taking the 8 hours of cringey dialogue and pure boredom from the tutorial

MitchFTW: Smushing it down to 1 hour

MitchFTW: And then replace Helpie with some random guy

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: you’re missing the fact that that “random guy” is actually Hinobi’s founder and current CEO.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: At least him when when he was much younger.

Haneesh: HANG ON

Haneesh: YOU CANT JUST SAY THAT HINOBI’S LITERAL FOUNDER IS IN THIS MOVIE AND MOVE ON LIKE THAT

Hi_5: Isn’t he super reclusive and mysterious?

Hi_5: I thought that guy hated being filmed?

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: He is and he does.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: He was just a bit less reclusive back in the day.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Of course he was still mysterious and shady as all hell even back then. It was a miracle to actually catch a glimpse of the guy. No idea why he decided to be in this thing.

Phil Altiere [Moderator]: Also here’s a fun fact I dug up on this thing: Apparently the orientation film was filmed right here in this building.

Bergy: Neat.

The Scorekeeper: So when is everyone available?

Hi_5: Any time.

Me_K.O: i’m good whenever

MitchFTW: Im stuck on store duty for a while due to poacher related injuries

MitchFTW: So any time works for me

Zahra: Me and Haneesh are still on patrol. I can let you know when we’re done.

The Scorekeeper: Got it.

The Scorekeeper: We’ll meet in the staff room when everyone’s ready.

The Scorekeeper: Be ready for the worst experience you’ve ever had.

-Messages: Hacker Girl-

Mitch?

Is this getting to you?

Are you ok?

Ridley?

Oh good it’s actually you.

???

Ridley something happened when I followed the signal

I found the poacher but then they managed to jump me in an alley, stole my gauntlet and reset me with it

And now the tracker isn’t working

I kinda figured that something happened because I thought the poacher hacked your phone or something.

They sent me a bunch of complete nonsense and a bunch of viruses and malware from your contact.

Completely bricked my phone.

It won’t even turn on anymore.

I had to go and get a new one.

They also seem to have deleted the messages because they’re all gone now.

Wait can they still see these messages or

Tech gauntlets can be remotely bricked and made useless if they’re stolen

I did that to my gauntlet so they can’t use any of the stuff on it now

I doubt the plixel parts of the gauntlet are even held together by now

Good.

It was really creepy.

They knew my name

Your name is right there in my contacts and messages so that’s probably why

Yeah.

Anyways I’ve been working on the tracker pretty much all day and nothing.

It’s not even close to working.

Fuck

Oh wait actually Hinobi is sending in a professional on Friday to deal with this guy

So I should probably warn you to hide your modding stuff and gauntlet before then

You definitely don’t want to risk getting banned from Hinobi Tech

I’ll start hiding stuff. Thanks for the heads up

So…

What about Horn?

I can’t find her signature anymore.

Any part of it.

It’s not all over

Once the tech Hinobi sends catches the Poacher I’ll see if I can recover Horn’s root form from them

It’s an illegal glitch so it’s usually company policy to keep it and research it in the same general area it was found in to help locate the person who made it

So Horn will probably be brought back here to HQ

I can go and get her from glitch containment or sneak her out of deep containment easily enough

That’s sort of good to hear.

Hang on

[Image]

Nix is trying to set up the orientation film

He’s struggling with the wires on the vcr

Your store has an orientation film?

Trust me you don’t want to know

-Hinobi Tech Support (Bailley Division)-

Haneesh: Last glitch of our patrol was Chomp Kitty

Haneesh: A bunch of kids near Five’s grandparent’s food truck were playing it and it glitched.

Zahra: Five I had to reset your grandparents and it feels extremely weird.

MitchFTW: Why is that game still so popular?

MitchFTW: I’ll never understand why people still like retro games like that

Hi_5: I’m sorry Mitch what did just you say about Chomp Kitty?

MitchFTW: That it’s a boring retro game?